


Delphine Got Married

by HaughtBreaker



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F, I have no idea why I'm doing this, i'm a glutton for a punishment, peggy sue got married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-16 15:35:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 39,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5831116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaughtBreaker/pseuds/HaughtBreaker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>20 years after marrying her high school sweetheart, Delphine is completely miserable. Faced with the inevitability of her high school reunion, anxiety gets the best of her and she passes out, only to awaken and find herself where she least expected, 20 years in the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I'm pretty sure I'm going to regret this but... hey look I started another fic. It's inspired by the movie Peggy Sue Got Married. 

* * *

 

" _It wasn't Beth that I loved..."_

Hazel eyes narrowed at the moving picture in the reflection of the mirror, a tv playing reruns of an old show, the familiar form limping down the hallway of the fort, a woman behind a wire grate calling out his name. Of course he had chosen a role that shared his name. Less acting. Something about military experiments and clones...whatever... "Can you please turn the television off." Delphine rubbed her temples, feeling a migraine coming on. She already felt sick to her stomach and the tv was making it worse.

"Come on, Aunt Delphine. Uncle Paul was awesome on this show? It was fantastic." The young woman with dark hair frowned as she hit the power button, an uncomfortable silence descending upon the room. "This was his best episode..."

Gazing at herself in the mirror, Delphine barely recognized herself anymore, wrinkles marring the once perfectly smooth skin and her once perfect curls manipulated and tortured into straight blonde locks. Too much alcohol, too many cigarettes, and not enough pills, she decided with a sigh. "Best... episode..." she whispered, remembering the small satisfaction she'd felt watching his character get shot then blown up.

Leaning forward, she slowly applied her eyeshadow, willing her hands to stop shaking. Why on Earth had she agreed to this? Yes, she had enjoyed high school, but there were so many memories, and now that she was getting a divorce… Marrying your high school sweetheart meant that when your marriage didn't work out, you'd have to explain it to everyone. You'd have to explain how the perfect couple, the one that everyone admired and looked up to, could possibly fail.

Twenty years is what happened to them, and they had both failed, but no one would see that. Everyone loved Paul. They would blame her.

Sometimes she blamed herself. Why didn't she do enough? What was it about herself that wasn't good enough?

But most of the time she blamed that cheating asshole.

"When are you going to stop hating uncle Paul?" Retrieving the dress from the closet, her niece gave her a brief smile. "I mean he's not going to the reunion because you asked him. You know he's dying to go."

"I'm sorry Charlotte...My therapist says it's because I have unresolved feelings towards my failed marriage…" as if even her therapist was saying it was her fault her husband was unfaithful. As if it was her fault that he was incredibly cliché and decided to sleep with his nutritionist...and his yoga instructor...and a woman in the acting workshop he'd led… maybe she had so many unresolved feelings because resolving them would put her behind bars.

Catching Charlotte's gaze in the mirror, she realized she had been silent too long. "..and I hate that show." Delphine growled, applying her lipstick. "The first season was great even despite Paul's robot personality, but the writing went to shit. It was just fighting and violence… everybody dies…"

"Well I like it." Charlotte laid the dress on the bed and slipped out the bedroom door, giving her a small measure of privacy.

Delphine sighed softly as she stood, slipping out of her robe and into the dress they had agreed on, pulling the zipper as far up as she could before looking in the mirror.

She didn't look anything like she did in high school, when she still had hope and the illusion of all the possible things she could do with her life. She looked tainted and weathered by life. She looked like a bitch. If she could go back in time…

"You look amazing." Charlotte grinned as she stepped up behind her aunt, pulling the zipper up completely.

"I look like a middle aged divorcée whose life has been defined by her Hollywood husband and now has nothing to look forward to." Reaching for the dark orange bottle, she shook out a small peach-colored pill, washing it back with a glass of water and not even wincing at the bitter taste it left on her tongue. She was used to it. Find enough bitterness in the world and you can get used to anything. "I don't know about this."

"You're gonna have a great time tonight."

The words echoed in her mind as she stepped out of the car, blowing out a long breath as she looked up the stairs to the bustling crowd, regret washing over her in waves, muddling with the anxiety that pills couldn't combat. "I can't do this."

Wrapping her arm around her aunt's, Charlotte smiled. "Yes you can." How Paul's family ever produced such a ray of sunshine, Delphine could never figure out.

"Delphine?"

Looking up as her name was called out, Delphine couldn't help but smile, the woman who approached very obviously looking like the housewife she had become, dragging her husband Donnie with her, just another set of high school couples sticking together. "Alison… you look beautiful." They were happy at least, their two children doing them proud in a suburban neighborhood where they had three different colored trash cans and perfectly manicured lawns. Leaning forward, she ghosted a kiss against the cheek chilled by the night air. "It's good to see you."

The woman gave her a sympathetic look. "How are you doing?"

Thanks to the woman's persistence and affinity for French wine, the short brunette had been one of the people she'd kept in contact with. She was thankfully one of the people Delphine wouldn't have to explain any of the recent events to. "I'm good." She lied, putting on a smile.

And people said Paul was the actor between them. She was the one who'd been pretending to be happy for so long. He just happened to be the one that got paid for it.

"Have you met my niece, Charlotte?" Delphine took the attention off herself by making introductions. "The most beautiful of the Dierden's family line." She smiled at the young woman. "Thankfully she's nothing like my husband."

There was an uncomfortable silence that dropped over them before they moved together into the hall, the noise hitting her like a wall. There were so many people and she could feel her own heart beginning to race faster than it had already been going. So many people she would have to talk about her failure of a marriage to.

Looking up, she took a breath, watching as mylar balloons reflected the pinpoints of light coming from the disco ball spinning above the crowd. Why was there even such a device there? They hadn't graduated in the 60,s. Their class grew up with the songs of grunge and the emergence of alternative music, not disco.

"Here you go." Charlotte appeared in front of her with a name tag, labeling her as a failure.

Delphine "Cormier" Dierden may as well read Delphine "not enough to keep her husband faithful" Dierden.

Delphine "nothing without her cheating husband" Dierden.

"Oh my god, look at that picture."

Delphine's eyes were drawn to the wall sized photo and the bile rose in her throat, her 18 year old self adorned with the crown of prom queen set on her perfectly groomed curls, Paul standing behind her with his own crown. She might have been a little drunk that night and it reflected in her distracted eyes, Paul's own predatory gaze sending a chill down her back. That was the night that had ruined everything.

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage… unless you're a stupid teenager, then the lines transpose. Unfortunately they had gotten married before nature had seen to eliminating the need for a baby carriage and in her depression, she had stuck with a marriage she should have ended 20 years ago.

"You two look great! Oh my god look at that hair." Charlotte gushed, oblivious to the shadow of reminiscence that had come over her aunt.

Her life was defined by the moments captured in photos, poor decisions made in her youth that had directed the course her life would take. She couldn't bear to look at it...

Turning away, she was greeted by another photo of herself cheering, the silly uniform more revealing than she probably should have been wearing at that age. She remembered allowing herself to be pressured into skillfully shortening the skirt, purposely distracting the football team until the principal threatened suspension.

"Look at uncle Paul."

Of course there would be that photo of him in a football uniform, arm cocked back as he searched for a receiver. What a sham. There was no game. The picture was posed just like their marriage. Just the image of something that could have been, but never quite lived to it's potential.

How pretentious.

"How about you find us a table." Alison broke the impossible silence that had descended on them, her arm on Delphine's elbow dragging her out of her melancholy.

Yeah a table. Delphine nodded. She needed to sit down. When they finally found one that was reasonably empty, Charlotte left to get drinks.

"Delphine?"

Looking up, she was surprised to see the suited man standing before her, a slight stubble and styled hair giving him a youthful look that he lacked even in high school. Gone were his glasses and he'd lost some weight, his shoulders no longer slouching as he'd obviously gained a confidence she'd never seen on him.

Well not never. She'd seen a picture of him on a magazine when she's been at the bookstore a year back. Some sort of gene therapy that had cured a once incurable disease. "Scott." She was genuinely glad to see him as much as his success. He had stepped above the toxic cloud that teen years brought and shined in the light of the sun. "Look at you." She gave him a genuine hug.

"Wow, your hair." No suit or hair gel could hide that dopey smile he directed her way.

"I know." Delphine fought the urge to run her hand through it as had become her nervous tick when she was frequently pacing back and forth in her kitchen. "It's so good to see you."

"You too. This is my wife, Sarah." He introduced a woman that had to be 9 months pregnant judging by the swell of her belly. "Sarah, this is Delphine Dierden. She was one of the few people who was always nice to me."

His wife smiled a full smile that spoke of a happiness Delphine had never experienced. "He's told me all about you, Delphine."

"Where's… Paul." Scott looked around nervously and above all, Delphine instantly regretted not being able to change that part about Paul, the part that thought he was better than everyone else, especially the lowly population that didn't revolve around the football field. "It's really weird, turning on the tv and seeing him on it." He chuckled.

"He's not coming." She smiled weakly, accepting a glass from Charlotte. "We're...actually getting a divorce...so it will be back to Cormier soon."

"Oh." Scott gave her a surprised look. "Sorry to hear that."

"Don't be. Paul is an ass." She spoke into her glass of scotch, pulling over the pamphlet that was in front of every seat. Flipping through the pages, she found memories flooding back to her, her senior year coming back to her one snapshot at a time. "Wow… look at Antoinette…" Her hand lingered on the softball captain, one of the few people she respected for her ability to stand up to Paul when he was being a douche.

"It's just Tony now." Scott corrected her, pointing across the room.

"Really?" Delphine rose her eyebrows, glancing a man dressed in a suit, nervously scratching the stubble on his chin as he talked with one of their classmates. There was a familiarity in his face, but soft curves had sharpened to angular planes, softness gave way to a muscular frame. "Wow… Good for him." She returned to the pamphlet, stopping on one page. She couldn't help but laugh. "Oh God, Scott look at you."

Taking the pamphlet, Sarah's eyes doubled. "Oh my god you were adorable." She gushed over the photo, ignoring his blush and playfully slapping away his hands as he tried to take it away. "Look at you in your plaid shirt and glasses...Who's this?"

When Scott didn't respond, Delphine looked over at the photo, the woman's finger resting on a picture of Scott sitting on a stair beside a girl.

Dark glasses, dreads Delphine remembered being laced with colors, head tilted down towards the acoustic guitar she was playing, but eyes looking up at the camera just as the picture was taken, a small smile barely detectable because of the angle.

"Cosima." Despite not knowing her well, Delphine felt her throat tightening. Cosima who wouldn't be coming to the reunion. Cosima who would never attend a reunion.

"Cosima Niehaus." Scott confirmed. "She died when she was in college." He frowned.

"Oh no." Sarah gave him an empathetic look. "What happened?"

"Ignorance." Delphine shook her head at the wasted life. "She got sick and never went to the doctor… I heard she tried to self medicate with magic juices and herbs…" Delphine had meant to go to the same college, UC Berkley, but one little plus on a white plastic stick had changed that path for her.

"It was that girl she was dating…Shay something.... holistic healing only goes so far." Scott shook his head before reaching over, turning the page to escape the memories.

Delphine sighed heavily, looking around. There were so many faces that were just bordering on familiar, tugging on a memory that wanted to block out everything. She shouldn't have come. There were too many memories. Too many people that…

Her eyes fell on a sudden commotion, a small crowd that began to gather by the door when a familiar sight greeted her, causing the ball if anxiety in her gut to blossom. "Paul…"

There he was, in all his glory, a tailored suit draped over the body of a God, his hair no doubt professionally done by Janice, his stylist that he had no doubt screwed at some point. He walked with the confidence of an arrogant slimeball, slapping a classmate on the back in a manly hug. Of course he'd lied when saying he wouldn't come.

God how she hated him.

"Well…If I never…" Alison sat down in a huff. "I can't believe he has the nerve to show up."

Delphine was about to speak when her words were cut off by the screech of feedback.

"Alright everyone!" As if they had been waiting for Paul's arrival to start things, the music died down and a spotlight appeared on stage, highlighting a slim man with a British accent, gelled hair and a cocky smile. "If you all would kindly shut up and pay attention…"

The crowd laughed.

Delphine tore her eyes away from her husband, her attention drawn to the stage. Felix had been the best friend of Cosima's twin sister, Sarah. As she looked around, she noticed the woman was missing, no doubt not wanting the relive the memories.

"Alright then. While you lot were enjoying the free booze the school is paying for and pretending to remember each other, we had a secret committee of folks judging each and every one of you."

"You can't judge perfection!" A man yelled from the crowd.

"Which is why I wasn't judging myself." He commented with a grin. "Anyway… we decided to make you feel as hopeless as we all did in high school and we decided to find a king and queen of the reunion."

There was a cheer from the crowd again and he waved everyone quiet. "Yes yes… cheer me… but shut up." He accepted the envelope from a woman, tearing it open with disregard. "Well… that's not surprising… apparently we've decided that the king should be the one who progressed the most since high school ended… he's on the cover of magazines of course he'd be on our little card… Scott Smith!"

Delphine couldn't help but smile at him as a blush overcame his features. She reached out and pat him on the shoulder as he stood.

"Is he really on magazines?" Charlotte asked, leaning closer to Delphine.

"Yes." Delphine nodded, trying to not watch Paul as he walked around the edge of the room. He was distracting, the way he stopped at every table, no doubt rallying supporters for his side of the story. What was he telling them? Were they talking about her? Were they talking about how her depression ruined the marriage? How she was addicted to alcohol and pills? An addict disguised in high fashion? What other lies had she heard him tell?

She was so busy watching him, that she missed Scott's small speech. The next thing she knew was that Felix had stepped up to the microphone, opening a second envelope.

"Well, this is a surprise… not." He smirked. "The legions have spoken and our queen has remained the same as it's always been…"

The world seemed to slow down and Delphine felt the room begin to spin. It couldn't be. She hadn't achieved anything in life beyond straightening her hair.

"Delphine Cormier Dierden." Felix read off, each syllable twisting in her gut.

"Merde." The word slipped from her mouth as the spotlight found her in the crowd and she tried to shy away. "I can't…"

"Yes you can." Charlotte gave her an encouraging hug. "You deserve this…"

She was standing as if someone else had taken over her body, moving her forward. It was the last thing she wanted to do, to stand up in front of everyone and be the center of attention when all she wanted to do was run away… away from the reunion… away from Paul and the mountain of lies that erupted from those lips.

Instead her body moved her up to the stage, somehow not stumbling on the steps when the room kept spinning. It took everything in her to not vomit, the feeling of her heart hammering in her chest as Felix plopped a plastic crown on her head and she was suddenly standing at the mic, her mouth open with nothing to say.

The cheering crowd seemed to warp in and out, voices merging into a cacophony of ghoulish sounds. It was impossible to breathe, and suddenly the world was tilting all in one direction and Delphine was feeling her knees buckle as everything went black.

Even in darkness, she could feel the world spinning, the sound of the crowd fading away until she just heard her name being called out.

"Delphine?"

She felt a hand shaking her shoulder and she blinked her eyes open. She still felt dizzy, the spinning slowing as her eyes focused on the man leaning over her.

"Are you ok?"

Sitting up slowly, Delphine blinked in confusion, recognizing the man as the football coach from high school. She could have sworn he'd died a few years ago. She'd read something on facebook about it. Maybe it had been a hoax.

"Shit, Babe, are you ok?"

She jumped as Paul knelt beside her, dressed in his football uniform. "Paul?"

"You guys shouldn't be moving her. She hit her head when the pyramid collapsed." Alison was pushing people aside, kneeling beside her. "Are you ok, Delphine?"

"Alison… your hair." Delphine reached out a hand, touching the bangs that hadn't been there just a few minutes ago. "You look so young."

"What are you on?" Paul laughed.

"It's not funny." Alison pushed him away, the sudden gathering of football players laughing as he fell backwards. "Are you feeling any pain?"

Delphine shook her head, feeling the nausea beginning to subside. "No…" Looking down, she noticed her bare knees. Tracing the revealed expanse of flesh, the sight of a bright red skirt shorter than she'd worn in years set a panic in her and she tried to pull the material down to cover her thighs, realizing her arms were bare as well, her torso covered in a sleeveless top. "What am I wearing?"

"I think you girls should take her home." The coach gave Delphine a sympathetic look.

Hands were on Delphine, helping her to stand, holding her up when her knees got unsteady. Looking around, she couldn't believe where she was, standing on the sidelines of the football field, everyone's eyes on her. Her eyes fell on a sign that was tied to the low fence in front of the bleachers

**HOME OF THE CARDINALS**

_Future Champs of 2000_

The air left her lungs as she took everything in - her uniform, Paul's jersey, Alison's hair, a coach that had died years ago… and the sign. It wasn't possible. None of it was. It couldn't be. Looking up into Paul's eyes, the hints of light blue being drawn out by the clear sky, she saw the concern there, something she hadn't seen in years, and she realized that whatever was going on, it was real.

"Merde…"

 


	2. Chapter 2

_**Ok, so this chapter gets a little darker at the end. Thanks for reading.** _

* * *

 

" _Show me the meaning of being lonely_  
Is this the feeling I need to walk with?  
Tell me why I can't be there where you are  
There's something missing in my heart"

Delphine winced as she stared out the window of the Dodge neon, the sound of the Backstreet Boys crooning from the speakers, reminding her just how much she hated the music back then… now… whatever it was. She couldn't wrap her mind around what was happening, but she was obviously going insane.

There was no other way to explain how she was currently sitting in the car she was sitting in with Alison repeatedly checking on her in the rearview mirror. Two of her closest friends in high school, Alison and Krystal. She felt ashamed that she didn't even ask where Krystal was at the reunion. She'd lost touch with the blonde fairly quickly after high school.

"Are you sure you're ok, D?" The reflection of Krystal smiled at her from the small visor mirror as she re-applied her lip gloss, concern evident in the furrow of her brow. "Are you going to be ok to go to the party tonight?"

"I don't think she should." Alison's grip on the wheel was deadly as she cautiously checked all her mirrors every 30 seconds, making sure to use her blinker as she switched lanes slower than molasses, the sign of a new driver. "You look a little out of it."

Delphine's brow furrowed. She didn't even know what day it was. The best she could tell, given the fact that the football team was still practicing, maybe September? It wasn't too cold, but she was thankful for the jacket… Looking down she saw the name Paul embroidered across the right chest and cringed. Of course. She was beginning to hate her high school self more and more as every moment passed.

Maybe she was dead. What a fucked up afterlife this would be… stuck in her teenage body forced to relive the nightmare her life had been.

When the car pulled up to a familiar home, the yellow paint much brighter than she remembered, she felt a minute sense of hesitation. There was a small fenced-in yard, flowers lining the paved path. Twenty years from now, when her parents were too old to care for even the smallest yard, it would be replaced with a rock garden that was stark and absent of life.

"Really Delphine. You should forget about the party tonight. Just get some sleep and we'll see you at school tomorrow." Alison gave her a worried look.

Delphine just nodded, stepping out of the car, awkwardly swinging her backpack over her shoulder as she looked up at the house. It was bigger than she remembered, she thought as she dug through her backpack, finding the set of keys. She wouldn't expect anyone to be home, not on a weekday when her mother would be at the hospital and her father would be at the office. She wasn't disappointed as she stepped into the vacant home.

Making her way to her room, she grimaced as she stepped into the space obviously inhabited by a teenager, posters of the Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears covering one wall, photographs of her and her friends covering another. As a teen, she had loved her room, believing it was an extension of herself and everything she was. Now, looking at the trophies and stacks of books, cassette tapes, and CDs, she didn't feel the same connection to it.

Now it was just pictures on a wall… memories she no longer thought about. Dropping her bag on her desk chair and stripping out of the jacket with a grimace she sighed heavily, her eyes falling on her jewelry box. Pursing her lips, she walked slowly towards the vanity, her fingers running over the smooth wood, the haphazardly glued together joints reminding her that Paul had made it for her in woodshop. She couldn't stand the fact that everything reminded her of her husband, but at the moment it was the last thing she thought about. Instead, she lifted the lid, removing the top level covered in earrings and other jewelry to reveal a red and gold pack.

"Thank God." She mumbled as she lit one of the cigarettes, breathing in the smoke hungrily. She felt a wave of soothing light headedness wash over her as her teenage body processed the nicotine. There had to be a rational explanation for everything. Was she dead and in some twisted afterlife? Was she maybe in a coma experiencing some lucid dream revolving around past mistakes inspired by her reunion?

What if it was the other way around? What if she really was 17 again? What if she was going through a psychotic break? What if she had imagined her entire life going forward?

If she was stuck here, she should enjoy it shouldn't she? If she had imagined the horrible turn her life could make, maybe it was some sort of vision to make sure she didn't make the same mistakes.

Paul was sweet and he'd been truly concerned when she woke up. Was it right for her to judge him for mistakes he hadn't yet made?

Yes, her mind told her. She couldn't push aside the distrust she felt. But did that also mean she couldn't have imagined all of it.

It had to be a dream.

Maybe if she went to sleep, she would wake up back in her own proper time, away from this nonsense. Killing her cigarette, she nodded, spraying the area down with febreeze before hiding her cigarettes again. Stripping out of her cheerleading uniform, she raked her memory, pulling out the bottom drawer of her dresser to find a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt.

The sheets felt scratchy against her skin, nowhere near as soft as the ones she had in her own time. Thankfully it didn't take long before she felt herself sinking into the twin-sized mattress, sleep washing over her in a blanket of darkness.

"Delphine."

"Hmmm?"

"Wake up, ma chère fille."

The sound of her mother's voice pulled Delphine out of her sleep, blinking at the bright light that poured in through the window. "Maman?"

The woman, much younger than she remembered, smiled, sorting Delphine's curls lovingly. "I think you forgot to set your alarm, non?" When Delphine said nothing, she held her hand up to the girl's forehead with a concerned look. "Are you feeling alright?"

It was strange, seeing her mother so young. It made her realize how much she had missed the woman being such a constant presence in her life. If she ever got back to her own time, she would definitely make more time for her parents. "Sorry, Maman. I just… had a strange dream."

"Ok." She pressed a kiss to Delphine's temple. "Get ready for school and I will get your breakfast ready."

"Merci." Delphine smiled as she pushed herself out of bed, disappearing into her bathroom. It wasn't long before she was walking out the front door with a croissant wrapped in a napkin and a travel mug of coffee, grimacing at the sight of the red Del Sol with music blasting from the opened top.

_I did it all for the nookie_

_Come on_

_The nookie_

_Come on_

_So you can take that cookie_

_And Stick it up your, yeah!_

_Stick it up your, yeah!_

_Stick it up your, yeah!_

Delphine rolled her eyes, slipping into the passenger seat, smoothing her skirt down and buckling her seatbelt. "Can you turn that down, please?"

Paul rose an eyebrow. "Well I was going to say good morning, but obviously it's not for you." He commented, stepping on the gas and speeding out of the driveway, tires squealing against the road.

"Slow down!" Delphine grimaced as she clung to the safety belt that crossed her chest.

Pulling onto the main road without stopping at the red light, Paul looked over at her, his eyes raking over her frame. "You're not still mad at me about what we talked about yesterday are you?"

Delphine sighed. She wasn't in the mood for his crap but she felt that if she was going to be stuck in that time, she could maybe make some changes. After all, it was her hallucination and she was going to at least enjoy herself. "Remind me what we talked about yesterday…"

"Remind you?" Paul gave her an incredulous look. "We talk about seeing other people and you forget… nice." He shook his head.

"Oh… must have been because I hit my head yesterday."

"Oh." Paul's brow furrowed. He never was the brightest in the class, preferring to copy his work off classmates than actually doing it himself. "Look… I know you don't like it, but I seriously think it's a good idea." The more he spoke, the more Delphine felt her hatred for his future self surfacing. "We stick together through prom and then over the summer we go our separate ways. You go to college, I work abroad for a few years, then we come back together… cause seriously we'd make a killer hollywood couple."

Had they really talked about this? She vaguely remembered crying over this, thinking he wanted nothing to do with her. Now she knew better. He was likely just using it as a reason to chase after women without the smallest bit of guilt. "I see." She kept her comments to herself until they pulled into the parking lot, opening the door even before he set the parking lot. "Why wait?" Stripping out of the letterman jacket, she dropped it on the seat before shouldering her bag and stepped out. "Fuck prom. Let's just break up now."

"What?" Paul scrambled out of the car, torn between following her and putting the top back on. "Delphine?"

Ignoring his calls, Delphine felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders as she took a sip from her cup, enjoying the taste of her mother's coffee. 20 years and she'd never been able to replicate the flavor.

"Delphine!" Krystal bounded up the stairs with a grin. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah… totally." Delphine grinned, trying to remember any sort of 90s lingo and dialogue. "I'm a little scattered today. What do we have for first period?"

"We?" Krystal gave her a confused look.

"Calculus." Alison spoke, appearing out of nowhere with a worried look. "You know we don't share any classes with Krystal." She spoke softly, trying not to point out that their blonde friend wasn't as concerned with academics as they were.

"I'll see you guys for first break." Krystal waved before disappearing into the crowd.

"Are you alright, Delphine?"

Taking a deep breath, Delphine tried not to let the anxiety she felt overwhelm her. She wasn't anywhere near mentally prepared for this. She didn't remember a thing about calculus and she really should have had a cigarette.

Calculus was… for lack of a better word… a disaster. Having spent most of the hour doodling on a pop quiz, she just barely managed to escape before Alison noticed her leave.

If there was one memory she had, it was how to sneak out to the football field, finding her way under the bleachers. Only an hour in and she was already feeling overwhelmed. Lighting the cigarette she pulled from her bag, she took a long drag from it, filling her lungs greedily.

Was high school really this hard? Did she actually do all this work? Why the hell did people even take calculus? It had no real word application. What did any of this crap she learned have to do with the real world? None of it would prepare her for a cheating husband and the feeling of uselessness that would eventually seep into her. None of it would…

"Hey, Babe."

Jumping just slightly, Delphine turned to find Paul ducking under a bar. Great. That was the last thing she wanted to deal with. "I don't really feel like talking right now, Paul."

With a shrug, Paul took the cigarette from her, pulling a long drag before crushing it under his shoe. "Come on, Babe. What's got you in such a mood right now?" He put his hands on her arms, rubbing them gently.

"Don't." Delphine moved back a few inches from him. "It was your plan and I agree. I just don't think we should waste a year pretending to be something we're not because I can't trust you."

"Again with the trust thing?" Paul rolled his eyes, moving closer, invading her bubble of space. "I already told you, Aynsley meant nothing… I was drunk."

Aynsley. How did she even forget the head cheerleader from an opposing school he'd screwed at a party after a game. He'd been unfaithful to her even in high school. Why did she put up with his shit for so long? "It's over Paul." She stepped back again, but found her way blocked by a bar pressed against her back.

Paul took the opportunity to move closer, pinning her in place, his hand sliding down her side. "Come on, Delphine. You and I were meant to be together… besides, you know you can't resist me." His lips brushed along the length of her neck as he pressed himself against her, his hand palming her ass through her skirt.

Maybe when she was a teenager, when she was too stupid to know what her life would be like, she would have given in. She would have been susceptible to his manipulations, but she wasn't the same person anymore. Instead she pressed a hand to his shoulder, attempting to push him back and got nothing but resistance. "Paul… let me go."

"You just want me to convince you to stay…" He rocked his pelvis against her, his growing arousal becoming evident in his cargo pants.

As the hand slipped up her thigh, lifting her skirt, she felt a real fear invade her. "Paul!" She yelled, managing to put all her strength into one final push, thankfully forcing him to take a few step back.

Paul gave her an angry look. "What the hell, Delphine?" He didn't take the clue, instead reaching down to unbuckle his belt as he stepped closer to her.

"What the hell's going on?"

Both Paul and Delphine jumped slightly at the sudden presence of another person.

Dark hazel eyes narrowed in their direction as the small form got closer, a guitar strapped to her back.

"Cosima." The name slipped from Delphine's lips in shock, disbelief at seeing the dead girl walking and breathing.

Cosima's arms were crossed over her chest in a no-nonsense matter, her attitude bristling. "I'm pretty sure she said no, man." Her eyes finding Delphine's, she gave her a concerned look. "Are you ok?"

"Why don't you mind your own business, fag?" Paul growled.

"Wow…fag… that's original" Cosima's eyebrows rose. "Not only are you incapable of hearing the word no, but you also can't tell the difference between girls and guys." She leaned forward conspiringly. "You know, often homophobic slurs are just a way to disguise latent homosexual tendencies, right? I bet you got that hardon in the locker room shower, didn't you?"

If it were possible for a human to blow steam from their ears, Delphine was sure that was what would be happening to Paul at that moment. "How about you shut your perverted dyke mouth and stop staring at my girl..."

It was like a wave of red clouded her vision as an anger coursed through Delphine and before she could think twice, her fist was impacting the side of his face, a pain lancing through her arm. "Don't call her that, asshole!"

Taking a step back, Paul's hand came up to his face, covering the bruise that was already starting to darken. "What the hell, Delphine?" He pressed at his cheek and winced. "I have an audition tomorrow!"

Stepping away from him as quickly as she should, Delphine gave him a humorless laugh. "Go fuck yourself...and I am NOT your girl." She called over her shoulder as she moved out from under the bleachers, pulling Cosima with her.

"Hey…" When they were far enough away from the bleachers, the shorter brunette stopped, pulling Delphine to a stop. "Wait up for a minute. Are you ok?"

Delphine exhaled in frustration. She didn't really care so much about Paul and what he had been trying to do… she didn't really know where her anger was stemming. Looking at the girl, concerned eyes were taking in everything about her. Suddenly… the anger morphed into something completely different. A sadness began to take over as she let her eyes drink in the sight of colorful dreads pulled back into a ponytail, a sleeveless black t-shirt with a picture of Tori Amos taking up the entire front, dark red Doc Marten boots hid under boot-cut jeans. This was the image that would always represent the brunette that wouldn't make it to through college.

This would be the decade the girl would be stuck in, pictures in a pamphlet 20 years from now instead of at the reunion in person.

Cosima froze as Delphine was unable to stop herself from pulling the brunette into a fierce hug.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey all. I'm glad to see you guys are enjoying this. Thank you so much for continuing to read it. I've been enjoying the trip down memory lane. It's been so weird. 

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"Um…"

Delphine sniffled, attempting to control her emotions as she pulled back, looking at a very confused brunette. "Désolée… I didn't mean to… I'm just…" The girl was just as she remembered her, down to the hairstyle that had seemed so wild at the time.

Cosima shook her head, her colorful dreads whipping slightly through the air. "Don't worry. It's cool. Are you alright?" The dark eyes were filled with concern as they ran over Delphine's form.

"Oui… sorry. He's an asshole."

"Don't apologize for him." Cosima rolled her eyes, her hand coming up to push back her hair, straightening the glasses that had gotten jarred by the hug. "He's a dickbag. Are you ok?"

Nodding, Delphine reached up to adjust her bag, gasping as a pain radiated through her wrist, "Merde…" She winced, lifting her hand. She'd never hit anyone, even as an adult and she wasn't sure if this pain was normal or not.

"Oh boy." There was just a brief hesitation before Cosima reached out and grabbed Delphine's hand, noticing that the knuckles were beginning to swell but it was her wrist that was beginning to look bad. "Can you close your hand?"

When she attempted to do so, Delphine felt an excruciating pain radiate through her arm and tears welled in her eyes. This was the last thing she needed.

Cosima pursed her lips. "Yeah… I'm pretty sure it's broken. Looks like your pom pom days are behind you… at least for a while." With a sigh, she reached up and removed the joint Delphine hadn't seen that was tucked between her glasses and her ear, hiding it away in her glasses case. "Come on, we should get you to the nurse."

The nurse… Delphine had bad memories of the old woman who thought taking a small nap would fix a sprained ankle. "Non… my maman works at the hospital… I should…" She realized then that she was 17… she had come to school with Paul and didn't have her own car. There was no way she was going to walk the 4 or 5 miles to the hospital her mother worked at. She doubted she even had enough money to take a cab. "I can take the bus…" Just the thought of getting on the long death vehicle where she always felt her personal space violated by perverted old men made her stomach flip.

"That's gonna take like an hour or so…" Cosima bit her bottom lip, her eyebrows furrowed as she worked out a puzzle. "I can take you but I gotta drop my guitar off."

"You don't have to… you've already done enough." Delphine protested, although the pain was working it's way up her arm, making even her elbow ache. "I don't want to trouble you."

Cosima snorted at that, grabbing her on her uninjured elbow and pulling her towards a building. "Saving damsels in distress is no trouble at all." She joked.

Delphine couldn't stop the smile that tugged at her lips. She knew the brunette didn't have an easy time at school. Being the only openly gay female in the school made you a bit of a target for merciless bullying, but still the girl had a sense of humor. "You're too kind."

"It's the least I could do." Cosima spoke, her eyes always moving around them, always aware of her surroundings. "I don't get my honor defended a lot these days."

What had happened to the brunette, Delphine wondered, to cause such caution in her gaze? Personally, she'd never had to worry about it. She'd always been popular, especially in high school when she'd successfully found the equation to public approval… being a good student… being a cheerleader… dating the quarterback… perfect skin… perfect hair. No she didn't have any trouble whatsoever. Cosima, on the other hand, she defied the norm. Being a lesbian wasn't the only thing that made her unpopular. She dressed how she wanted, smoked pot and cut class while still getting top grades. Unconventional was an understatement.

But all of that just added to her character. On top of it all, she was a completely empathetic soul.

Entering the chemistry lab, Cosima unclipped the guitar from her back, approaching the only occupied lab station in the room. "Scotty boy, I need a fav." .

Looking up from a beaker, Scott nervously removed his goggles. "Cosima I'm right in the middle of… oh." His eyes feel on Delphine and he quickly turned off the bunsen burner. "Oh.. hey."

"Scott." Delphine smiled, taking in the younger version of him, the one that didn't know what his intelligence would bring him. Clean-shaven, huge glasses and a slightly larger frame, he was just as much a target for bullies as Cosima was, only he rarely fought back. It took everything in her to stop from hugging him, knowing that would probably make the shy boy implode.

"H-hey." He lifted his hand in greeting.

With a shake of her head, Cosima set her guitar next to Scott's stack of books. "Delphine here just broke her hand getting in a fist fight with a lizard so I have to take her to the emergency room."

Scott gave them an uncertain look and Delphine was sure he was going to say everything except what he actually did. "Is the lizard ok?"

Delphine snorted in laughter. "Non. He's worried about his audition." She could see the confusion on his face but she couldn't help her laughter.

Cosima grinned. "If I'm not back for this can you bring it home for me?"

"Well…" Casting a quick look at Delphine, Scott stood a little braver. "What… what's in it for me?"

Raising an eyebrow, Cosima dug a set of keys out of her bag. "You get to have sex… with yourself."

Delphine thought he would be offended, or blushing, but instead he laughed in that adorably dorky laugh of his. "Alright." He nodded.

Delphine lifted her good hand to wave as she followed Cosima. It was so strange. She had loved school when she was a teen, she had loved her popularity and all the friends she had, but now she couldn't wait to flee the prison it was. Was it really only the beginning of the school year? How was she going to keep up the facade? How was she… "What… is that?" Delphine gave the brunette a horrified look.

Cosima smirked, unlocking the lock around the tire and storing it before lifting the helmet from the hidden compartment under the seat. "I think you're gonna need this more than I am… in case you fall off."

Taking the helmet and glancing into it, Delphine looked up again to see the brunette backing the vespa away from the bike rack. She had horrible memories of when Paul had bought a motorcycle, his laughter at her terror as he went faster than was safe, apparently enjoying the way she hugged closer to her in fear, her whole frame shaking. "I think I would rather catch the bus…"

Sitting at the front of the seat, Cosima pat the seat behind her. "Come on." She noticed the fear in Delphine's face and gave her a reassuring look. "Don't worry. It doesn't go as fast as a car does. I'll keep it slow, it's just faster than walking and much faster than waiting for the bus. The faster we get to the hospital, the sooner you can give me some of those killer meds they'll give you." Seeing the blonde was wrestling with the helmet, she crooked her head. "Come here." She smiled gently, taking the helmet and settling it on the blonde's head, careful to adjust the strap so it was snugly in place. "Ok?"

Caught in the gaze of dark hazel eyes, Delphine could only nod. There was something about the way those eyes held a sincerity that she rarely found in people, it made her take a breath as she settled on the bike behind the brunette. Unsure of what else to do, she put her good arm around the girl's waist, feeling the surface twitch slightly against her hand.

There was an awkward moment of silence before Cosima spoke. "Hold on tight." Her voice had a strange tone, almost too quiet to hear. "I know you've only got one hand so I'll go slow."

True to her word, they crept at a speed around 30 miles an hour down the suburban street, Cosima careful to avoid all pot holes and abrupt changes in speed. Delphine didn't even notice the pain in her arm as the air whipped past them. When they got to the hospital, she hesitated for just the barest of moments before slipping off, wincing slightly as she jarred her wrist.

"Easy there, Captain." Cosima smiled as she set kickstand, reaching up to unfasten the helmet.

"Captain?" Delphine rose an eyebrow at the brunette, being rewarded with a lopsided grin as the girl stored the helmet under the seat.

"I mean I figure it's like a boat right… do the other cheerleaders NOT call you captain?"

As they walked into the emergency waiting room, Delphine chuckled under her breath. Surely the teen was just trying to keep her mind off the pain, and it was working. "No they don't."

Cosima tsked as they neared the check-in desk. "It's a shame. Such a wasted opportunity." Instead of letting the blonde talk, she smiled and turned to the nurse, charm obviously a part of her secret artillery. "Hey… Nurse Debbie," she spoke easily with a glance at the woman's name tag, "can you page Dr. Cormier and let her know her daughter broke her hand… or wrist… or whatever happens when you punch someone who's..."

"Cosima!" Delphine cut her off in exasperation. She had no intention on telling her mother what happened and smiled at the nurse. She didn't go to the hospital often so she only knew a few of the doctors and maybe one of the nurses. This wasn't one of the familiar faces. "She's kidding. I'm a cheerleader and I just landed wrong." Hearing Cosima's snort, she smiled. "The only thing I punched was the ground trying to break my fall." All those years of lying to herself and everyone else came in handy at least.

The nurse looked back and forth between the girls, her expression colored with doubt as she picking up the phone.

"Merci." Delphine gave the woman a thankful smile before pulling the brunette aside, taking a deep breath. "Thank you, Cosima, for bringing me and for showing up when you did but can we please not tell my mother… it's just going to complicate matters. The last thing I need is for my father to show up with a shotgun to school." She was trying to add humor to the situation, but she could tell the girl wasn't finding it funny at all.

Instead, there was a strange look that came over Cosima's face as she moved closer, so as not to be heard. "Look… I know you want to keep it all on the down low, I mean sure he's like the most popular guy in school and it's probably social suicide, but you really should tell someone. What if I didn't show up? Jerks like that don't even know they're wrong."

"Cosima, leave it." Delphine sighed, reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose but wincing in pain when she realized it was her injured hand. "Merde."

"Hey… watch your hand."

"Delphine?"

Both girls turned to see the older Cormier stepping into the waiting room, a worried look on her face. "Maman." Delphine tried to school her reactions. "Sorry to be trouble, I know you're busy."

"Don't be silly, Delphine." The woman lifted the bruising limb. "This needs an x-ray. Why didn't the school call me? Debbie said you fell wrong? Cheerleading practice isn't until after school."

Delphine nodded. She'd expected a slew of questions but she wasn't a child. She'd been a part of interviews from sources more malicious than her mother and she was used to fending such an avalanche of inquiries. "It was my fault. Krystal and I were doing a quick competition of tumbles between classes and well… she won." She rattled off in French with a meek smile. "You know as much as I do that the nurse is an imbecile and I felt the hospital would help more than a quick nap." Finally she switched back to English as she cast a quick smile at the girl who was listening intently, a confused look on her face. "Cosima gave me a lift here."

The older woman smiled at the brunette. Delphine's mother always had the ability to judge people by their actions and not their looks, something her daughter wished she had learned to use more while still a teenager. "Merci, Cosima. That was very kind of you."

"Yeah… no problem… I'll just…" Cosima gestured towards one of the seats.

"Non… please." Delphine gave her a pleading look, her expression begging the brunette.

Cosima rose an eyebrow, looking around before nodding and following the cheerleader and her mother, the older woman raising a slight eyebrow but saying nothing.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Hello all. Thanks for continuing to read this weird fic. I've been enjoying writing this and so glad to hear others are as well. You guys keep me writing even when it's hard to keep things going.** _

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"How are you supposed to cheer?" Krystal's hazel eyes took in the red cast with a troubled expression. It had been the question on the girl's mind for the first half of the day but she hadfn't gotten around to asking it until now.

Cheering was the last thing on Delphine's mind. If anything, she was happy to not have to attempt the acrobatics she'd once done so easily. She set her apple juice down with a shrug before returning to picking at the unappetising school lunch. Yes she had an unhappy married life, but she was self aware enough to admit that she'd been a little spoiled by the many times she and Paul had eaten in expensive establishments with exotic cuisines. This meal, of what she assumed was some sort of turkey mixed with salty gravy and frozen vegetables with a hard wheat roll, was horrendous to say the least and she had no idea how she survived high school in the first place. She would kill for an endive salad. Maybe with some avocado. A little papaya vinaigrette. "My mother says it will take at least a month to heal so I guess you're just going to have to take the lead for the rest of the season." She smiled at the blonde, seeing the worried expression suddenly morph into excitement.

"Really?" Krystal's voice got three octaves higher. "Thank you!" The excited girl suddenly forgot about cast and broken bones as she threw her arms around her.

When the girl hugged her tight, Delphine winced, feeling the pain radiate through her arm. With a drug free system, she was feeling better than she had in years and was hesitant to take any pain medication. She'd forgotten what it felt like to wake up without a hangover or the feel of anti-anxiety medication slowing down her senses. Maybe it was also attributed to having a body that had yet to go through 3, going on 4 decades of life, but she felt more alive than she could ever remember. "Don't mention it."

"And you say… you fell on it?" Alison gave her a dubious look, having been quiet through the exchange. This was the second time Alison was confirming the story, obviously not buying it.

Years of schooling her features came into play and Delphine nodded. "Oui. Still getting used to that extra 2 inches I grew this Summer I suppose." She could tell by the way Alison's eyes narrowed that she wasn't doing a very good job of being convincing. To make matters worse, Paul chose that moment to walk by with his own lunch, saying not a single word to any of them as he continued to the table with the other players, the side of his face a lurid mix of purples and reds.

"Is Paul not sitting with us?" Krystal noticed the tall figure walking away.

With a shake of her head, Delphine gathered her school bag and slung it over her shoulder. "He can sit wherever he wants. We broke up." She ignored the gasp from the short blonde and the further narrowing eyes of her friend as she stood and took her tray. The last thing she wanted was to continue to be the target of an interrogation. "If you'll excuse me, I have an errand to run." As she walked away, she heard Krystal's confused words.

"An errand?"

Maybe she should have chosen a different word, Delphine decided as she dropped off her tray and left the crowded room. Looking around, she tried to think of where Cosima could be hiding. She hadn't seen the brunette at all since the previous afternoon after being taken home.

" _It's so…" Cosima tilted her head to the side, her lips pursed as she searched for a word. "... girly."_

_Delphine rolled her eyes as she dropped her bookbag on the bed, pulling a small orange bottle from her bag. "In case you missed it… I am a girl."_

" _How could I miss that?" Cosima commented under her breath, more to herself than anyone else._

_Delphine still heard it, but decided to spare the girl any embarassment. "It is a bit childish, however. I've been thinking about redecorating." She watched as Cosima moved around the room, curious fingers touching trophies and porcelain figurines. "I'm a little bored with… Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears." She wrinkled her nose, offering the medication to the brunette. "Payment?"_

_Eyeing the bottle, Cosima took it with a strange look on her face. She seemed to contemplate the situation before she popped open the bottle, shaking out two pills before handing it back over and pocketing the medication. "Take it from someone who's broken a few bones before, you're gonna need some of these in a few hours once the meds they gave you run out."_

_It was surprising, but Delphine accepted the bottle back with a smile. The brunette had stayed with her the entire time at the hospital, but she wasn't sure if that was to be supportive, or to simply have a reason to stay away from school. She was the first to sign the red cast that now covered Delphine's arm from the forearm down. "Cosima... " She bit her bottom lip, trying to think of the words to express her gratitude. "I wanted to thank you… truely. I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't arrived when you did.A lot of people would have just walked away and forgot they saw anything."_

_Cosima seemed a little uncomfortable with the gratitude but the corner of her mouth peaked just slightly. "You certainly have quite a pessimistic view of the world...but anyway, it was my pleasure."_

_Unable to stop herself, Delphine pulled the brunette in for a hug, noticing the way the girl froze for the briefest of moments before relaxing a bit. It was surprising, how easy it was to hug this stranger she barely knew who had been kind enough to make sure she was ok. She pressed her lips to the warm cheek before leaning back, catching the deer-in-headlights look on the teen's face._

_Suddenly Cosima's cheeks colored a dark crimson as she swallowed audibly. After a long moment, she looked away, clearing her throat. "I should… I should probably get going."_

_Delphine rose an eyebrow, but decided against commenting, watching as the brunette escaped with a wave._

'Scott.' She told herself as she headed towards the last place she saw him. Perhaps it was a little unfair of her to assume he would be locked away in the chem lab, but true to form, he was sitting in the lab alone again, pouring over a book and an opened notebook. She couldn't help but wonder what his story was, and why he spent all his time hidden in class. She was reluctant to admit that she didn't pay that much attention to him in high school. She had respected him, but their circles didn't overlap.

He noticed her almost instantly, his eyebrows raising. "Delphine?"

"Hey Scott. Have you seen Cosima?"

The boy shook his head slowly in confusion, not expecting one of the most popular girls in school to be in his lab two days in a row. "Not since she stopped by for her guitar last night." His brow furrowed in concern as he took in the cast. "How's your arm?"

Delphine gave him a small smile. "Hurts but it's not too bad, thank you." Her eyes dropping to his notebook, she noticed the chaotic scribbles of some sort of blueprints. She couldn't help but associate him with the future Scott that would eventually save lives. "What are you working on?"

"Oh…" He suddenly chuckled nervously, his hand covering the scribblings and pulling it towards him. "Just… nerd stuff." When Delphine gave him a curious look, he blew out a long breath. "I'm working on a design for a scaled model of Terok Nor from Deep Space Nine." His response came out in a burst of words.

Delphine thought that statement over for a minute before she remembered what she'd seen while flipping through netflix, realization dawning on her. "That's Star Trek right?"

The teen's eyes lit up instantly. "You like Star Trek?"

"Well… I never watched the series, but I did enjoy the new movies."

Scott's brows furrowed instantly. "New? Like Insurrection?" He asked dubiously.

"No, the…" Delphine let her words trail off, realizing what she was saying. It wasn't the first time she'd nearly slipped and frankly it was something she had to be wary of more than she thought she would. Movies that hadn't come out yet. Cultural references no one understood. Dead celebrities that were still alive. Remakes of movies that haven't even come out yet.

She really wished she had someone she could…

"Are you ok?"

Delphine nodded. She couldn't tell him… could she? But really… if there was anyone who could wrap his mind around the strangeness of her situation, it was Scott who was trustworthy and intelligent. He had to be the smartest person in the school and if anyone could help her understand what was going on, it would be him. "Can I…" She wasn't even sure how to broach the subject. "Scott, can I ask you a very serious question that you might think is not very serious?" He was going to think she was insane.

His lips pursing, Scott crossed his arms over his chest. "Um… yeah, sure."

"Do you believe in time travel?"

There was a long moment of silence before Scott uncrossed his arms and crossed them again. "What do you mean?"

Delphine took a deep breath before shaking off her hesitation. If she was going to do this, she was going to do it all. "What would you say if I told you I'm actually from 20 years in the future?"

There was another long moment before Scott exhaled and shook his head. "I thought you were one of the nice ones…" He commented as he began to gather his books. "But if you're just here to mess with me…"

"No no no." Delphine stepped up to him, turning him to face her. "I know this sounds completely crazy, and I'm sure that I'm not, but two days ago I was at our 20th high school reunion and I passed out and woke up on the football field." She tried to think of anything that would convince him. "I don't know what I can tell you that will prove I'm telling you the truth."

She could see the hurt in his eyes, as if he thought she was turning on him. "What year is it? 1999? I know that George W Bush will win the election next year despite the fact that Al Gore will win the popular vote. He stays president for 2 terms until the country elects its first black president…" By the look on his face she could tell she wasn't doing a very good job of convincing him. Maybe he didn't care much about politics. "In a few years, Ellen Degeneres will get a TV show and the popularity will surpass even Oprah..." Still nothing from him. "Ok…You want to know how I know about star trek? In about ten years they're going to completely redo the movie franchise."

"What?" Finally, Scott gave her an alarmed look. "Why would they redo Star Trek?"

"Because Hollywood is bullshit. The storyline will be changed using an alternate timeline where the Romulans go back in time, with the use of red matter, to where Captain Kirk's father is in command of the USS Kelvin and completely destroy it." Delphine responded easily, seeing she finally got his attention. Obviously movies were the way to go with him. "Everything is getting a redo: Star Trek, Terminator, Spiderman, Superman, Xmen… there are more Star Wars movies…"

"Well everyone knows about Star Wars… Episode 1 just came out this year… and talk about…"

"No Scott. No one cares about the prequels. It's a general consensus that those movies are not worth watching. I mean Episode 7: the Force Awakens comes out in 2015." Delphine corrected him.

"WHAT?" Scott backed away. "2015? That's way later than they planned on coming out…" His eyebrows scrunched as he seemed to mentally calculate everything. "So… all the prequels are bad? Not just the first?"

Seeing she finally got him, Delphine gave him a sympathetic look. "Oui. The scripts are horrible and no one could save them." She shook her head.

Scott crossed his arms over his chest again as he regarded her. "So… I don't by any chance win a nobel prize do I?" He joked, a grin spreading across his face.

Delphine smiled at that. Did she want to tell him of his success and risk his future?

"Wait! No don't tell me." He shook his head. "You could destroy the future as you know it."

"Well…" Delphine sighed softly, lifting her arm. "I already have…"

"What did you change?"

"I… after high school I end up marrying Paul because I got pregnant and well… hopefully, that won't happen now that I've broken up with him."

"Really?" Scott turned away, thinking about the ramifications. "Wow… So even if you were to return to the future, it could be a completely different future than you knew. By changing just one thing… you could have caused an avalanche of changes that could change the entire world…" He removed his glasses, rubbing his eyes. "Have you ever heard of the butterfly effect? Basically it states that a butterfly flapping its wings in Brazil could cause a tornado in Texas."

"I've seen the movie…"

Pausing, Scott's brow scrunched. "Movie?"

With a sigh, Delphine waved her hand dismissively. "Nevermind."

"Right…" He nodded, putting his glasses back on. "So, what I'm saying is that you might want to avoid making any huge changes... You don't know what damage you could do."

Delphine understood what he was saying, and she knew he was right, but her mind dwelt on dark hazel eyes and flushed cheeks, a picture in a pamphlet of a girl that would never age. "What if it's to save a life that never should have ended?"

Just then, the bell rang and Scott gave her an empathetic look as he finished packing up his books. "If someone died, it was because they were meant to."

"Even if it's Cosima?"

Scott's hand froze in mid air as he looked up, his eyes locking with light hazel orbs that held no hint of humor.


	5. Chapter 5

Scott's nostrils flared as he looked away from the blonde. His shoulders were tense as his mouth opened once… twice… three times and still nothing emerged. There was such a look of confused pain in his eyes that she immediately regretted telling him.

Delphine sighed softly as she leaned against the counter, looking down at her shoes in an attempt to not think about the throbbing that had started in her arm. "It happens when she's in college. I guess the story is that she gets involved with this anti-doctor, hippie girl who convinces her she doesn't need to go to the hospital when she really should."

"What?" Scott shook his head. "That doesn't make sense. She's planning on going to school for biology… why would she..."

"Trust me. It's the truth. People do awful things for the people they love..." Delphine frowned. "So… I need you to help me figure out what's going on. Am I dead? Am I stuck in the past or did I get a vision of the future?" She looked around the room, glad that no one had class in the chem lab at that time. They were both going to be late for their next class, but some things were more important than sex ed.

"I can't answer that for you. I don't think anyone can." Scott reached up to straighten his glasses, his arms crossing over his chest. "But maybe you've already done enough to alter the future. I mean, as you mentioned with Star Trek, it's totally a plausible situation. By being here in the past, knowing what you know about the future, you have already created an alternate timeline in which the life you lived is no longer the path you're on. The question is, when you go back to your time, if you go back at all, will you be in your old timeline… or this one?"

Nothing sounded more bleak that the possibility of going back to a life where she was married to Paul, a man who constantly cheated on her and had little time for his unimportant wife. "I can't go back to that." She shook her head. There had to be something she could do to prevent it. "So what do we do now?"

Scott gathered his books, a thoughtful look on his face. "I don't know… but you really need to stop cutting class. If you're going to change your future, you probably should graduate first."

Delphine sighed. "Easy for you to say. I had no use for calculus in the past 20 years. I can't remember any of it." She blew out a long stream of air.

"Hmmm." Scott shouldered his bag before a big grin came over his face. "Ok, so we're trying to steer Cosima away from a future bad decision… I think you need a tutor…"

Her brows furrowing, Delphine shook her head. "What are you even talking about?"

"Do you know who's really good at calculus? Cosima."

"Well good for her but…" Sudden realization dawned on her. "Scott! That is a fantastic idea!" She leaned forward and brushed a kiss against his cheek. "Thank you!"

Scott watched as she left, his cheeks burning a bright red. "Hey! Wait did you want her phone number?"

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"What are you doing here, Frenchie?"

Delphine took a small step back, not expecting Sarah to open the door. "Sarah, are you ill as well?"

"What?" The brunette gave her a questioning look. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It's… you're not in school?"

"And you are?"

"Oh…" Delphine shrugged. "Sorry I…"

"Hey, Delphine, you're here." Cosima pushed Sarah out of the way, holding the door open for the blonde. "Come on back. Ignore bitchy bitch here." She stuck her tongue out at her sister.

Delphine looked around the house that was colorful and very… lived in. Her own home was very orderly and tidy, but Cosima's walls were filled with family photos and crazy paintings. To her surprise, they descended a set of stairs to the basement where apparently Cosima's room was. "You sleep down here?"

Cosima chuckled. "Cool huh?" Her voice cracked on that word and she cleared her throat. "Sorry. I just have a little bit of a scratch in my throat."

Delphine narrowed her eyes. "Did you go to the doctor?" She asked, trying to sound neutral.

"Yeah my mom made me, but it's just a sore throat. I'll be fine." Cosima took a seat on the circle rug spread in the middle of the room. "So… did I hear you right on the phone? You need help with your calculus homework? Aren't you getting like straight A's?"

Sitting facing the brunette, Delphine nodded. "I did last year, but I don't know what happened this summer. I've somehow forgotten how to do any of this." She pulled out her textbook.

Cosima gave her a suspicious look. "Aren't you supposed to be in school like right now?"

"Perhaps…" Delphine shrugged, pulling out her notebook. "Let's not dwell on that. I'm supposed to be in Sex Ed right now and the last thing I care about learning is how sperm makes its way to an ova." Looking up, she caught the small grin Cosima gave her as she flipped through the Calculus book.

"Well… I hope you didn't come here for that class. I'm like the worse person to ask about sperm."

Looking up from her notes, Delphine shook her head. "Cheeky."

The time passed fairly quickly until two hours later, Delphine felt like her eyes were bleeding as she massaged her temples.

"So we find that the tangent line to the parabola y = x 2 at the point (1, 1) has equation y − 1 = 2(x − 1)…" Cosima looked up and let her voice trail off, the corner of her mouth lifting in a grin. "You look like you haven't absorbed a single thing I just said."

An embarrassed blush spreading across her face, Delphine waved her hand. "Desoleé." She shook her head. "Sorry. Maybe it was just a little too much?"

Cosima laughed softly, closing the textbook. "It's cool. My super health-conscious mother left me money to order a pizza. Are you hungry?"

Just at that moment, Delphine's stomach growled, as if the mention of food were summoning a manifestation of satan.

Cosima's eyes doubled in size. "Holy shit dude… are you ok? Like… are you sick?" Her face was a mask of false concern.

"No…" Her cheeks flushing a dark red, Delphine shook her head. "Maybe I didn't eat my lunch today…" She licked her lips, trying to remember the last time she'd had a pizza. "Will it have spinach and mushrooms?"

Cosima laughed at that, reaching under her bed to pull out a basic corded phone. "If that's what you want on it, then yes. Like we apparently need to feed you before some baby alien tries to claw its way out." She easily punched in a number into the phone, toying with the curled cord.

"You have the number memorized?" Delphine couldn't help but smile, the brunette giving her a look as if it was obvious. It was strange, she thought, remembering a time before cell phones. If she thought about it, she could still remember Krystal and Alison's home numbers when they were teens, but she couldn't remember her mother's cell phone number. Maybe it was because she was actually just going crazy and she couldn't remember her mother's number because it didn't exist.

"You ok?" Cosima asked as she hung up the phone.

Delphine nodded. "Yeah, just thinking." She shifted, hugging her knees to her chest as she watched the brunette stack the books neatly. "Thank you… for helping."

Looking up, Cosima's cheeks colored the softest pink. "It's no problem."

"I thought…" She let her voice drift off, shaking her head.

"You thought what?" Cosima could see they weren't going to get any more studying done at the moment and instead began to fidget, trying to keep her hands busy.

"You left so quickly yesterday… and you weren't in school... I thought I might have offended you somehow…"

Cosima snorted at that. "How would you have offended me?"

Delphine shrugged. "I don't know you just seemed…"

"Sorry, Captain." Cosima laughed, a nervous laugh that wasn't convincing. "Nothing to be offended by...besides I don't really offend easily."

With a soft smile, Delphine nodded. "No you don't." She took a moment to look around the room, admiring the posters on the walls. There was nothing mainstream on the walls, but she noted a few bands that would eventually move away from the indie scene a few years down the road. "I like your room."

Cosima chuckled, pushing herself up and moving to her dresser. "It's pretty trashed." She retrieved a small box, opening the two windows. "Do you blaze?"

"Blaze?" Delphine nearly laughed. She hadn't heard that term in forever. "Non… but is it ok if I…" She pulled her cigarettes from her bag.

"Such a rebel." Cosima joked as she began to break down the buds. "You know those are super unhealthy right? If you're ever interested in trying something more natural…"

Delphine grinned. "I dunno, Cosima. I think breaking up with my boyfriend and breaking my arm, I don't know if I can take any more major changes right now."

Running her tongue along the glue edge of the paper, Cosima retrieved the lighter from her box. "Hakuna Matata, Dude." She mumbled around the joint as she lit the end.

As if sensing what was going on, there was a quick rap at the basement door before it opened. "Hey! Everyone still dressed in here?"

"Shut up turd-face!" Cosima yelled in a cloud of smoke, waving it away as Sarah closed the door and came down the stairs. "Delphine is just a friend, Man."

"Since when are you friends with a cheerleader?" Sarah snagged the joint from her sister, taking a long drag from it. "Did you just use the phone?"

"I am more than a cheerleader, you know." Delphine protested.

"Totally." Cosima grabbed the joint back and pushed her twin. "Sarah is just an asshole. I ordered some pizza, Spazz."

"How about a warning next time? You kicked me off the internet."

"Oh no." Cosima gave her a mock panicked look. "I'm sooo sorry… not! Poor Cal is going to have to wank off to the sound from the Playboy channel like normal dudes."

Delphine couldn't help smiling, watching the two completely different teens bickering. Despite the rougher sister's demeanour, she knew how crushed the brunette ended up being after Cosima's death. "You two are adorable." She commented, unable to stop herself.

"Ew. How much did you let her smoke?" Sarah gave the blonde a disgusted look, taking one more pull from the joint.

"She hasn't." Cosima dug into her pocket, pulling out a 20. "Hey, pizzas should be here anytime." She handed Sarah the cash.

"Tight." Sarah took the 20, handing Delphine the joint before hopping up. "Hope you got something with meat on it."

Watching the girl disappear up the stairs, Cosima shook her head. "Sorry about that."

"Non. It's ok." Delphine looked down at the joint in her hand. She'd only smoked once at a party and she remembered feeling really sick when the room spun out of control.

"You know, you don't have to. I don't do peer pressure." Cosima joked as she held her hand out.

Maybe it was the second chance to relive her life, or the gentle reassuring look on Cosima's face, but she brought the joint to her mouth, inhaling a healthy hit. She handed the joint back over, trying her best to keep it in like she remembered she was supposed to. Cosima was giving her a surprised look just seconds before her lungs rebelled and she was coughing out the smoke.

"Cough it out." Cosima chuckled, sliding over to her side and patting her on the back. "Dude you took that like a champ." She brought the joint to her own lips, unable to hide her own grin.

Delphine shook her head, wincing at the taste in her mouth. She'd forgotten how horrible it tasted. She gave the brunette an embarrassed smile. "It tastes like shit."

Cosima coughed out the hit she had been trying to keep in, unable to stop herself from laughing. "It so does. Sorry, it's completely dried out." She cleared her throat, wincing. "So like… what's the deal with you?"

"Pardon?"

With a shrug, Cosima offered the joint to the blonde, just slightly surprised when it was taken again. "Well… like three days ago you were sitting with your cheer buddies, all cozy with the quarterback boyfriend and content to stay in your bubble… like no offense or anything… but what's with the 180?"

Delphine shrugged. She could already feel a slight disconnect, a blanket of sensation settling over her. "I just… didn't like the path my life was on. 20 years from now… I don't want to be some Hollywood wife to some douchebag who will no doubt cheat on me every chance he gets."

Cosima rose an eyebrow. "Wow… douchebag? That's…" She whistled. "That's pretty intense."

"I... read it in a book." She looked up to see dark eyes watching her closely.

"I like it." Cosima grinned. "It's pretty fly. I think I'll start using it, if you don't mind."

Delphine smiled. "Of course." Her legs crossed, Delphine felt the urge to remove her shoes, fighting with the knots for just a moment before removing them. Apparently her teenage self had yet to discover the wonder of boots. "So… the change is that obvious?" She shook her head when Cosima offered her the joint.

Taking one last hit, Cosima killed the joint with a shrug. "I mean, yeah it's obvious but like, it's not a bad thing." She grinned.

"No?"

"No. I kind of like you this way." Cosima began cleaning up her smoking supplies, not without looking up at Delphine through dark lashes.

Delphine couldn't help but smile, a comfortable silence descending between the two of them.

"PIZZA!" Sarah suddenly yelled, kicking open the door, scaring a few years of life out of both of them.


	6. Chapter 6

_**I probably didn't read through this as many times as I should have so sorry if there's like a bunch of stuff wrong. LOL.** _

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"So where did you go yesterday?" Alison sat down at the table, prying open the small carton of milk.

Delphine looked up from the odd mixture of shredded turkey and gravy over mashed potatoes that she had been poking at with one of her carrot sticks. "Hmmm? Sorry?" She was finding it hard to concentrate on anything today. Her mind kept returning to the day before.

Reaching for one of her own carrot sticks, Alison shrugged, looking at her through her bangs. "Yesterday. You said you had some sort of _errand_ to run and never came back. You weren't in English class." Looking around, she leaned closer. "I had to lie to Mr. Wagner and told him you had gotten surprised with your… monthly friend."

Delphine winced at that. It was strange, not feeling the obligation she once felt as a child to attend classes. "Sorry, I… my arm was killing me so I decided to take a sick day." What were the consequences really? Miniscule punishments like groundings or detention? None of it really seemed to be even remotely threatening. Her own future was more of a real danger than any lecture could be and she was set on changing it. She was set on changing as much as she could, including Cosima's fate.

"A sick day?" Alison's brows furrowed but she didn't say anything beyond that.

It's not that Delphine wanted to lie to her friends, but she doubted they would understand. Hell, she didn't even understand. She wasn't even sure what she wanted anymore. She'd made sure that Paul was out of the picture, but how was she going to save the brunette? They hardly knew each other. How could she change the future of the quirky teen?

Thinking back on the previous afternoon, she remembered eating way too much pizza thanks to smoking way too much of Cosima's weed, listening to the brunette play her guitar as they completely forgot about math. She couldn't even remember the last time she had so much fun, not worrying about what Paul would find acceptable or not, not worrying about being too out of control when cameras were everywhere.

" _What are you planning to do after high school?" Delphine had asked, a pleasant haze having settled over her mind and body as she hugged her knees to her chest._

" _Mmm… UC: Berkeley major in biology." Cosima answered without thinking, her fingers brushing over the strings of the guitar._

_Delphine smiled but she felt a pain in her heart, knowing that was where Cosima had met her untimely demise. "No rock future or whatever?"_

_Cosima chuckled, shaking her head as she began plucking at the strings in a lazy melody._

" _Do you actually know how to play anything on that or is it just for looks?"_

_Raising an eyebrow, Cosima shifted her fingers, the melody switching to one of more purpose, soft and slow. It was a simple pattern of low to high then low again, 6 notes repeated._

_Delphine was about to say something until Cosima opened her mouth and began to sing._

Think I'm going for a walk now  
I feel a little unsteady  
I don't want nobody to follow me  
'Cept maybe you

_Cosima winked at the blonde at the words, smirking when a blush crossed her cheeks._

I can make you happy you know  
If you weren't already  
I could do a lot of things  
And I do

_Gaining a bit of confidence, Cosima's playing got a little louder as she plucked at the strings with more intent._

Tell you the truth I prefer the worst of you  
Too bad you had to have a better half  
She's not really my type  
But you two are forever  
I hate to say it, but you're perfect together

So Fuck you  
And your untouchable face  
Fuck you  
For existing in the first place

_Delphine rose an eyebrow in surprise. She'd never heard the song before, but there was an intense look on the brunette's face as she continued to sing._

Who am I?  
That I should be vying for your touch  
And who am I?  
I bet you can't even tell me that much.

_As if suddenly remembering she wasn't alone, Cosima looked up from her strumming, a crooked grin spreading across her face as she let the strumming die off, not intending on finishing the song._

" _Cosima… that is not a real song…" Delphine had to laugh, trying to lighten the mood._

" _It totally is!" Cosima defended with her own giggle. "Welcome to the world of lesbian angst folk music. Ani Difranco is fucking brilliant."_

_Delphine shook her head, picking up what had to be her fourth slice of pizza. "Why can't you play something more mainstream?"_

" _Mainstream?"_

_Nodding, Delphine wiped a bit of pizza sauce from the corner of her mouth as she chewed. "I mean… you could have just made that up."_

" _What? And you think mainstream will convince you? You mean like Britney Spears?" Cosima gave her a distasteful look. "Dude, that shit will rot your brain… all boy group group dance sequences or rolling around in the sand talking about being stuck in a bottle and needing some dude to rub one out to save me? Damsel in distress shit?"_

_Delphine laughed, unable to dispute it. Taking a sip of water, she watched the brunette over the rim of the glass, noticing the glimmer in dark hazel eyes that had nothing to do with the weed they had smoked._

"Del!" Krystal called out in excitement as she plopped down on the seat beside Alison, scaring Delphine and knocking into Alison's tray.

Alison's eyes narrowed as she pulled her lunch away from the blonde's elbows, dabbing at the small splash of milk that had spilt in the girl's excitement.

"You're coming to the game tonight, right?" The bubbly blonde shook her chocolate milk vigorously.

The game. Ugh, she had forgotten about that part of high school. The thought of going to a game was less than appealing to Delphine and she bit her bottom lip, trying to find an excuse not to go. "I don't know… the painkillers really wipe me out…"

"But you have to come!" Krystal's eyes got impossibly wide, taking on the most troubled look. "I mean… I know you're not cheering or whatever… and you and Paul are… whatever… but you're still part of the squad."

Delphine almost shied away from the sudden onslaught, the guilt starting to settle in her gut. Going to a football game was the last thing she wanted to do… well… second to causing her friend's eyes to fill with tears. She couldn't let her personal friendships dissolve because she was pissed at Paul. "Ok… maybe for a little while." After all, even though she lost touch with Krystal, Alison had remained a good friend.

"Yes!" Krystal cheered gleefully with a fist pump.

Delphine gave her a weak smile, returning her attention to the barely eaten meal in front of her. She had a vague memory of what football games had been like in high school, spending the night cheering the team on in their mediocre skill before heading to a random student's house for the after party. Alcohol. Drugs. Sex… all the things she thought she needed as a teenager were less than tempting now. Things were different - she was different. She wasn't the quarterback's girlfriend anymore. She wasn't a cheerleader anymore. She was just… Delphine.

A chorus of laughter caught her attention and she looked up to see the table of football players laughing, looking in the direction of a table on the edge of the cafeteria against a wall. To her surprise, she had missed Cosima coming in, sitting at a table with Scott, an irritated look on her face as she brushed off a stray carrot stick before she pointed a few things out on something Scott was working at. Her confusion at the situation lasted for just bare seconds before she saw movement, Paul half standing before launching a carton of milk across the large room. With precise aim and skill, the carton crashed against the wall beside the table, breaking open and spraying both Cosima and Scott with milk.

Delphine felt a rage within her rise as she stood. She didn't remember moving, only that the next thing she knew, she was surrounded by surprised players, her cast pressed against the back of Paul's neck with his face pressed against the table as her other hand had his throwing arm twisted behind his back. She wasn't a violent person, but she'd taken more than a few self-defense classes in her life and her much younger body was stronger than she was used to. She found herself seeing red, adrenaline more than likely the only reason she felt no pain in the broken limb.

"What the fuck?!" Paul struggled against her, surprised to find her grip impossible to break.

"Leave… them… alone." Her voice was dripping with anger as she pressed against him.

"Delphine, are you insane?" Alison was suddenly at her shoulder.

"Let me the fuck go!"

"Non." Delphine twisted his arm a little more as she leaned down to whisper in his ear. "I know everything about you, Paul Dierden. I know how you pay someone to do your assignments for you. I know that you act because you are not smart enough to do anything else." Her voice was quiet venom as she felt him stop fighting. "I know how you cry every single time you get rejected for a part and I even know how you sleep with a light on because you're afraid your father will come back from wherever he disappeared to." Seeing he was no longer struggling, she leaned a little closer. "Leave Cosima and Scott the fuck alone or I will tell everyoneabout how you sleep with multiple girls to overcompensate for the fact that nothing makes you come faster than taking it up the ass."

"Delphine."

The worried tone in the now familiar voice pulled Delphine out of her anger. It was like a calming wave she didn't expect and she released Paul's arm, taking a step back to stand beside Cosima, seeing the concern in dark hazel eyes. She gave the brunette a small smile before turning back to Paul who looked at them with a pure hatred as he rose an arm to wipe away a trickle of blood from his nose. She hadn't even realize she'd done that.

"What the hell is going on here?" A teacher showed up, late as always, making assumptions about the scene in front of him. His eyes finally fell on the dreadlocked girl, his eyes narrowing. "Causing trouble again, Niehaus?" He accused, looking at the brunette.

"What?" Delphine stepped between the teacher and the student. "Mr. Leekie...Cosima didn't do a damn thing."

The man bristled at the defiance. "Watch your language, Cormier."

"I will not. You can't just show up after taking your sweet ass time to get here and assume she had anything to do with this when she was the victim here."

"Delphine!" Alison gave her an appalled look.

"That's it! I want both of you in detention after school!"

"WHAT?" Delphine's eyes flared. "How dare you…"

"Hey hey!" Cosima moved between Delphine and the older man. "After school… detention… got it…" Looking behind her, she found light hazel eyes narrowed in the teacher's direction. "Come on Delphine." She bodily pushed the blonde backwards, ignoring the smirk on Paul's face. "Let's get out of here."

"Carpet Munchers."

Delphine froze, turning to give the player who'd mumbled the words under his breath a death glare.

"Come on, Captain." Cosima's hand moved to Delphine's arm, pulling her away from the table.

The pain in her arm didn't return until she was slinging her bag over her shoulder as they left the cafeteria. "Merde." She winced, pulling her arm to her chest as she walked swiftly away from the building.

"Holy shit, Delphine. Are we going to talk about what just happened in there?" Cosima walked beside her, trying to keep up with the fast pace.

Delphine shook her head. She didn't have an explanation. She'd never done anything like that and she couldn't even come up with a reason for why she had reacted that way. First punching Paul and now this? Was she going insane? Was this part of the time travel issue as well? Was she losing her mind? Maybe she hadn't really come back in time. Maybe it was the start of a schizophrenic break. She was losing it.

"Delphine, stop." When they were in the shade of the bleachers, Cosima grabbed the blonde's arm, pulling her to a halt. "What is going on with you?"

"I don't know!" Delphine screamed in response, shaking her head. "I… don't… know."

"Hey… hey." Cosima stepped up to her, not exactly sure what to do.

Delphine wiped angrily at her eyes, clearing away the tears that suddenly surfaced. "I'm sorry… I should have done that…"

"Come on, Delphine." Cosima put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "That was… pretty amazing." She tried to get the blonde to smile. "Like real life superhero type shit. I can totally be your damsel in distress like every day if you promise to swoop in and save me." When she saw the corners of Delphine's mouth begin to turn up, she nudged her gently before singing, " _I'm a genie in bottle baby… gotta rub me the right way honey..._ "

She was rewarded with a surprised laugh from Delphine, who shook her head. "You are ridiculous."

"Ridiculously awesome."

The smirk on the brunette's face sent a calming wave through Delphine and she released a shuddered breath. "I don't know what's going on with me." She leaned back against a crossbar, pulling her bag around and began digging through it, finding her cigarettes.

"I don't know either, but I also don't know if it's a bad thing." Reaching into her own bag, Cosima pulled her glasses case out, a rolled joint waiting for her. "You know, if you keep defending me, people are going to think you're like me."

Delphine rose an eyebrow. "You mean a smart ass with mediocre guitar skills?" She joked.

Cosima narrowed her eyes. "What the hell do you mean mediocre?" She couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her lips as she lit her joint. "You know what I mean."

"I know what you mean." Delphine confirmed, blowing out a cloud of smoke. "I don't care what other's think, Cosima." She bit her bottom lip, looking down. "Besides, I don't consider it a bad thing." There was a silence that descended between them, neither really knowing what to say.

"You're totally bonkers." Cosima finally settled on, holding out the joint in offering.

Delphine accepted it, taking a long pull from it before handing it back. Her chest felt heavy as she held the smoke in, allowing her body to absorb the drug before finally exhaling with a small cough. "Completely bonkers." She agreed.


	7. Chapter 7

_**I feel like I studied for this chapter by watching a ton of shitty romcoms. Thank you all for awesomely reading this and for all those that comment/reviewed. You are amazing.** _

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"Ok… favorite ice cream?"

Delphine hummed softly as she picked up a piece of paper from the ground, flipping it over in her gloved hand to inspect it briefly before shoving it into the garbage bag, the task made more difficult by the cast on her arm. "Vanilla." She commented before looking up at the sun, shielding her eyes from the light. They had been picking up trash as their detention for over half an hour so far and she was already tired of it. Not that she could deny that she needed to be there. She'd, after all, assaulted a student and spoke less-than-kind words to a faculty member.

Cosima, on the other hand, seemed completely at home doing the menial task, almost as if she had done so many times before. The brunette rose an eyebrow at the answer, her mouth turned up in mischief. "Like… _French_ vanilla?"

With a roll of her eyes at the brunette's extremely proud look on her face, Delphine picked up a candy wrapper. "Just vanilla. And you?"

With a lick of her lips, Cosima picked up a torn sheet of paper, someone's homework. "Eskimo Pies."

Delphine paused, trying to grasp what the teen was saying. "Eskimo what? I don't know it…"

"No?" Cosima moved beneath one of the trees, getting out of the sun. Removing her gloves, she pulled her dreads up into a bun. "We have got to fix that… it's basically your standard vanilla ice cream covered in a dark chocolate shell." A smile lingered on her lips as she leaned against the rough bark. "You know… I'm pretty sure this counts as like… corporal punishment or whatever."

"Non… I really should not have swore at the teacher." Delphine sighed, leaning against the tree as well, her shoulder pressed against the brunette's. "You are a very bad influence on me."

"Me?" Cosima laughed. "Despite all outward appearances, I'm a pacifist." She nudged Delphine's shoulder softly. "Make love, not war, and all that."

Delphine had to smile at that. "A pacifist? Interesting."

"Hey! Not all of us can be bad-ass ninjas that can take down football players." Cosima chuckled softly, pushing off from the tree. "Like my own knight in shining armor."

A light blush tinged Delphine's cheeks. "I am nothing of the sort."Standing a little straighter and stretching her back, she looked over the school grounds that had been abandoned by students with exception of the two of them and the few other students that were serving their own detention sentence. "So… we haven't really talked about a schedule for tutoring… and what can I do to pay you?"

"Pay me?" Cosima snorted, reaching down to pick up a wrapper. "Considering you keep coming to my rescue, no payment needed."

"Cosima… you've already put so much time in…"

"As if I'd have anything else to do." There was a hint of amusement mixed with a little longing in her voice. "I've enjoyed your company." She spoke softly, sweeping her foot through a tuft of grass under the guise of finding trash.

Delphine gave the girl a curious glance, a strange flutter settling in her stomach. "So have I." She admitted, not as surprised when dark hazel eyes looked up at her as she was by how true the statement was. She didn't know why it seemed important to reveal that small confession, but the look on the student's face brought a smile to her own.

It was strange, the predicament she found herself in. She was trying to save the girl from her future bad choices, but for some reason, whenever she was in her presence, the task seemed to fade from her mind. She should have been finding some way to subvert the future, yet her mind could focus on nothing but the present and the dark pools of wonder directed her way from behind dark frames.

Cosima cleared her throat. "So… um… how often do you think you need tutoring? I mean… I don't know how you managed to forget it all but your grasp on calculus seems a little… lacking."

Delphine blew out a long breath, not sure how to answer that. "Just more proof that if you don't use it, you lose it." She smiled. "It doesn't help that I have no care for math itself. I've always wanted to be a doctor, which unfortunately requires me to have passed calculus but in no way actually uses it."

With a small snort, Cosima nodded. "Yeah, school is such bullshit."

They both looked up as a whistle sounded and Mr. Leekie was waving them back in.

"I know we just spent this magical hour of environmental beautification together," Cosima joked as they made their way towards the office. "But did you want to study today? I think we can find somewhere better than my basement to hang out. We could get some pizza."

"Do you eat pizza every day?" Delphine had to laugh at that. "That can't be healthy…"

"Pizza is life, man." Cosima chuckled. "But like… we can grab some… salad or whatever." Her nose scrunched in mock disgust before a grin came over her face. "Don't know why you're so concerned with eating rabbit food. You're certainly in good health."

"Thank you, but perhaps the reason for that is… as you call it, the rabbit food."

Cosima smirked. "Two days of pizza won't hurt you, Captain."

Delphine mulled it over. She had already told Alison and Krystal she would go to the game, but after the confrontation in the cafeteria, she wasn't so sure anymore. "I promised my friends I would go to the game tonight." She explained.

"Oh." Unable to hide the sudden crestfallen look on her face, Cosima nodded. "Ok. That's cool."

"Actually…" Delphine felt a pang in her heart from the expression. "I think it's better if I stay away from football players for a while." She didn't regret the decision the second hopeful eyes looked at her. "So… where does one get salad and pizza around here?"

A grin spread across Cosima's face from ear to ear. "I know just the place."

When they got to the girl's planned destination, Delphine looked around, her eyes wide as she took in the decor of the restaurant. "I am… without words." There were peanut shells littering the wooden floor and a moosehead above the booth they were sitting at. She was hesitant to ask if it was real, fearing what the brunette would say.

"It's amazing isn't it?" Cosima hadn't stopped grinning since they walked in, especially when Delphine had jumped in fear after nearly walking into a stuffed brown bear. She seemed to be giddy at the blonde's reluctance. Her elbows were planted on the red and white checkered tablecloth, her chin propped up on her balled fists, giving her an obnoxiously adorable look.

"Amazing is… not the exact word I would use."

Cosima didn't let it ruin her mood as she grabbed Delphine's textbook and began flipping through it. "Ok so… yesterday we started on the sum rule…"

Delphine pulled out her notebook and began to flip through her notes, scrambling to shift her brain back into learning mode. Thankfully, her mind was younger and more adaptable than her 40 year old brain had been and she found herself absorbing more information than she thought possible. Maybe it was that all the information was stored somewhere in her memory, begging to be extracted. Or maybe….

Cosima reached up to toy with a blue dread that had come loose from her bun, twirling it around her fingertip. "A linear combination is y(x) = au(x) + bv(x), where a and b are any real numbers…"

Maybe she didn't want to look like an imbecile in front of the student. If she was going to be stuck at the past, she knew she had to get all of this down before SATs. She needed to get into Berkeley.

She had accepted the fact that there were events in the world she would never be able to change. From presidential scandals to terrorist acts, there was no way one person could alter those events without getting into hot water themselves. No one would believe an innocent teen… an immigrant innocent teen… that was ranting about a possible attack…

But she could change this. Delphine was sure of that. If there was one thing she would change, this was going to be it. The more she got to know the student, the more her certainty grew.

"Alright ladies," The waitress interrupted Cosima's lecture, setting the round pan in the middle of the table. "One medium veggie pizza and," She winked at Cosima before setting a bowl down, "one order of _rabbit food._ "

Delphine rolled her eyes at Cosima's chuckling while carefully taking the salad, pursing her lips before pouring a small bit of Italian dressing on it. "Are you sure you're not interested in some?" She asked, picking out a cucumber slice and popping it into her mouth.

Freeing a large slice of pizza from the tray, Cosima shook her head. "No way. This is like heaven. I don't have room for anything else."

Delphine chuckled, taking a bite of her salad. "Suit yourself." They both took a moment to enjoy the food, the silence between them oddly comfortable.

"Ok…" Cosima finally spoke around a mouthful of pizza. "Where were we?" She wiped her fingers off before flipping through the pages of the textbook, beginning to read over the information.

As the brunette spoke, Delphine took notes between bites of salad. She had found that Cosima was patient with her, finding ways to explain things in a way that she would understand. She moved at a considerate pace, making sure that Delphine was following along. She was surprised to find the equations beginning to make sense in her brain.

It wasn't long before Delphine was helping Cosima finish the pizza, the teen having a knowing grin on her face when Delphine groaned in appreciation of the pizza. By the time they were packing up and leaving, she felt as though she had actually accomplished something.

It was a short ride to Delphine's house and she felt a bit of regret as released the strong torso and slipped off the back of the scooter. "Thank you, Cosima."

"You know, you didn't have to pay for dinner." Cosima protested again.

"It was the least I could do." Delphine shrugged, settling the helmet on the brunette's head with a grin. "All your tutoring and hauling my ass around on your death machine."

"Hey now… my scooter is awesome." Cosima adjusted the helmet before buckling it under her chin, scooting back to get more comfortable. "Thank you, though. One doesn't get treated to dinner by the cheer captain often."

Delphine snorted at that. "I think my position as captain is questionable right now."

"I say it's for the better." Cosima grinned.

"You would." Delphine shook her head, adjusting her backpack. "I should go." She leaned forward to brush her lips against the girl's cheek.

She didn't expect Cosima to move, or the way her heart stopped as lips met her own. It was the briefest of contacts, a soft and tender embrace before she felt Cosima pull away suddenly, realizing exactly what had happened.

"Shit… shit… I'm so sorry Delphine." Cosima's expression turned to one of panic.

Delphine had no idea what to do. She took a step back, surprise evident on her face. "Non.. it's ok." There were a thousand emotions that were overcoming her ability to think and she took another step back, not sure what else to do. She laughed nervously, trying to offer a nonchalant wave. "It's fine, Cosima."

"I didn't mean to…" Unsure of what else to do, Cosima started her scooter. "I…shit I'll see you later."

Delphine wasn't given the chance to say anything as the brunette sped off without another word. This was not the route her plan was supposed to take. The last thing she wanted was to break the heart of some teenage girl, but her hand came up of its own accord, tracing her lips that still seemed to tingle from the contact.

Which teenage heart would she be breaking? Cosima's? Or her own?

"Merde."


	8. Chapter 8

When Monday came, Delphine felt like something was off. Eyes averted everywhere she looked as she walked down the main hallway towards her locker. She had acquired a ride from her mother who had been puzzled, to say the least, by the recent change of habit. It was a strange feeling she got from everyone… that something had happened that she wasn't privy to. She was missing something, but she had no idea…

Delphine gasped as her books were knocked out of her hand, her shoulder suddenly throbbing from a sudden impact.

"Ugh… watch where you're going, dyke." The girl who had bumped into her glowered, making a production of wiping off her own shoulder. "I don't want your carpet-munching germs on me." Her voice was loud enough for everyone around her to hear, a small chorus of laughter echoing off the walls of the populated hallway.

A cold chill coursed down Delphine's back as she froze in place. Her brows furrowed in confusion as she watched the girl walk away, obviously proud of herself. Delphine found many pairs of eyes on her, revealing a mixture of hatred, disgust, and very few sympathetic gazes.

She hadn't expected to face such negativity when she woke up that morning. It hadn't even been a worry of hers the past two days. Her weekend had gone by at an agonizingly slow rate after the night Cosima had dropped her off. She kept playing the scene over in her mind, the accidental brush of lips, the soft pressure of a kiss returned for the briefest of moments before panic had taken over.

What the hell had she been thinking? She was supposed to be on a mission to save Cosima's life, not ruin it. She was doing a completely horrible job of… she didn't even know what she was doing. Her mind was a jumbled mess.

Her mother had inquired about her silence and her unwillingness to take calls from Alison or Krystal, but had just nodded when Delphine chose not to disclose her discontent. She'd never been one to stay home all weekend when she was a teen, preferring the company of her friends over her parents. She had also been a big talker, always on the phone when she finally got home. But there was only one call she wanted to take. She had attempted to call Cosima all weekend, but Sarah had continued to say Cosima wasn't home.

She was avoiding her own friends, and Cosima was avoiding her. The last thing on her mind had been the prospect of the entire school hating her.

Kneeling, she couldn't stop her hands from shaking. Nervousness or fear… whichever it was seemed to consume her. Reaching for her books, her hand was intercepted, someone appearing to pick up the books quickly.

Dark hazel eyes looked up at her, long dark hair pulled back into a ponytail in a way that seemed more to get it out of the way than one of fashion. "Just ignore them."

Delphine tried to wrestle up a smile. "Thank you… Antoinette."

Eyes doubled in size, not expecting one of the school's most popular girls to even know her name. "Glad to help." Handing the books over, she stepped back, putting space between them. "Keep your head up, Delphine." She offered a quick smile before continuing on her way down the hallway.

For a moment, Delphine turned to watch the girl leave, remembering the self-assured man of the future who exerted a confidence she could barely relate to the softball player. That was one life she didn't want to meddle with. She didn't want to risk interfering with the road from Antoinette to Tony.

With a small smile, she turned and jumped in surprise, not expecting her path to be blocked.

Alison hugged her binder to her chest as she looked Delphine over. Her lips were pursed in a way that the blonde recognized as discontent… suspicion…

"I'm sorry I didn't make it to the game." Delphine decided to start at, her eyes looking over the hallway, suddenly paranoid of everyone passing by. She wasn't exactly sure what was going on, but eyes continued to dart away from her wherever she looked, she suspected her defense of Cosima wasn't being accepted well by the main population. "I did not think my presence would be welcome after…"

"Forget the game." Alison cut her off with a solemn shake of her head. As if realizing how exposed they were, she tucked her hand in the crook of Delphine's arm, pulling her towards the bathroom. She checked each stall to make sure they were alone before setting her binder on the sink. "What is going on with you and Cosima?"

"What?" Delphine took a step back.

Alison sighed heavily. "Everyone is saying you and Cosima are… together. Like someone said they saw you and her on a date together on Friday and that's why you weren't at the game."

Delphine rolled her eyes at that. "We were studying. She's helping me with calculus."

"And Paul is spreading some not so nice things about why you broke up."

"Paul is the last person you should listen to about why we broke up."

"And Aynsley said she saw you kiss Cosima."

Delphine froze. The world seemed to slow to an uncomfortable stop until she felt a rage begin to rise in her as she thought about her blabbering neighbor. The problem was she couldn't even deny it. How many in the neighborhood had seen the small slip up that was nothing more than an innocent accident? "Aynsley needs to learn to mind her own fucking business."

"Delphine!" Alison bristled.

"This is ridiculous. I don't need to stand here and defend myself…"

"I'm not accusing you of anything, Delphine." The brunette shook her head, a troubled look crossing her face. "I just… I wanted you to know what was going on. And… well… if you needed to talk to anyone… no judgement here."

Delphine took a deep breath. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Why was she having trouble saying the words? There was nothing going on between her and Cosima. It was just a friendship. The kiss had been a mistake and meant nothing.

It meant nothing. Why did her stomach flip, filling her with a nausea at just the thought.

"We're friends." The words were monotone as they slipped out, as if she were forcing herself to say them. It's not like it was a lie. It was the truth. They were just friends. "We've just studied together and she's the nicest person. She doesn't deserve all this bullshit."

"Okay okay." Alison backed up a step.

"I just need…" Delphine shook her head. "Thank you Alison for worrying about me. I need to go." She needed to find Cosima. She needed to get to her before the rumors. "Thank you." She spoke one more time before rushing out to the halls. They were vacant, everyone in class, and she had no idea where to even start.

* * *

 

"Honey, are you sure you're ok?"

Cosima nodded, giving her mother a weak smile.

"You've been sick all weekend. I really want to take you to the doctor."

Shaking her head, Cosima sat up. She was already late. School should have started an hour ago. Sarah had left long ago, leaving her behind with a worried look. "I just… I just need today. I'll be fine tomorrow. I just… I can't deal with school today."

Her mother gave her a dubious look before leaning forward, pressing her lips to the girl's forehead. It wasn't often Cosima gave her mother a reason to pause. She was a straight A student and was never in trouble. "Well… As long as you stay home. I'd rather you be home than getting high at the beach…" She gave the girl a pointed look, making it very evident she knew exactly what went on with her daughter. "But you're going back to school tomorrow, no arguments."

Cosima nodded quickly. "Deal." She didn't want to go to school. She wasn't ready to deal with the mess she'd made with Delphine. The entire weekend of avoiding the girl's calls and she had yet to prepare herself for facing the music.

She could hear the hum of the garage, indicating her mother leaving as she made her way upstairs. She'd actually been up for hours, trying to work up the nerve to go to school. Well, she had one more day now. She needed to strategize. She needed to make a plan and execute it perfectly.

She needed to call things off with Delphine. No more hanging out. No more studybuddy dinners. No more tutoring. She could do it.

She grabbed a Sunny D from the fridge, drinking half of it in one pull.

She really shouldn't have been surprised when there was a knock on the door, but she was when she pulled it open to reveal a very worried looking blonde. "Delphine?"

"You've been avoiding me."

She wasn't ready for this. She had needed to plan. She needed to gather her courage. "I've been sick." Cosima stepped to the side as Delphine entered.

"Sarah said you weren't home." She pinned Cosima with a knowing look. "Don't lie to me, Cosima. You've been avoiding me."

Cosima shrugged, not sure what to say. "I don't know what you want from me, Delphine. I just… I don't think we should hang out anymore."

The blonde froze, her eyes narrowing. "Non. You don't get to decide that."

Dark brows furrowed. "Um… yeah I do." She took a deep breath, steeling her resolve. "Look. It's been fun, and you're a cool chick, but you're cramping my style." She swallowed, the words stuck in her throat. "I can't afford to keep missing school and you're just…"

Delphine stepped closer. "I'm what?"

Cosima swallowed. _Not worth the hassle_. She wanted to say it, to drive the knife in and sever the connection, but she couldn't. She couldn't make herself say the words that were nowhere near true. Delphine was worth all the hassle and more. She knew it was probably the most idiotic thing she'd ever done, falling for the pretty, popular cheerleader, and a week ago it would have been so easy since they never really spoke, but suddenly the girl was paying attention to her, wanting to hang out, wanting to _study._ Maybe it was some weird hero thing, because she had saved the blonde from her boyfriend, but… "I just can't do this."

"Do what?"

Delphine took another step towards her and Cosima could feel the heat radiating off of her body. "I just can't, Delphine." Her voice cracked in desperation as she turned away, not wanting her to see the tears that began to well up in her eyes.

"Hey… come here." The second her hands cupped the brunette's face, there was no altering the course. She pulled her forward, a warm hand wrapping around her wrist as their lips met.

It was insane, Delphine decided. She'd gone insane. She'd lost her damn mind and she had no idea what she was doing anymore. This was so far from an accident. This was intentional, as intentional as she could possibly make it. She felt the brunette begin to respond, shock wearing off as she returned the kiss. There was an innocence in the kiss, a gentleness that Delphine hadn't experienced in a long time.

It made her break the kiss off, unable to deal with the tenderness. She had to catch her own breath at the look on the girl's face, eyes closed with an almost dazed smile on her lips. Eyelids fluttered open and she was caught in the gaze of dark hazel eyes, finding herself being drawn back in. It was almost like she had no control of herself. She knew that she shouldn't be doing this, but a tentative hand moved to her waist and she found herself getting lost in it.


	9. Chapter 9

"Why did you do that?" Cosima was sitting on the floor, blowing out a long stream of smoke. She offered the joint to Delphine who was laying on the floor, her head resting on Cosima's thigh.

Delphine accepted the joint, taking a small pull from it, thinking about her answer. "I don't know." She answered honestly. She didn't want to lie to Cosima. For some reason, she knew she would tell the girl anything. "It felt like the right thing to do." If she asked. "Not like I owed it to you or any bullshit like that, but it felt right to me."

Cosima seemed to contemplate that, accepting the joint back. She pursed her lips as she carefully tapped the ashes into the makeshift ashtray that had once upon a time been a can of tunafish. "I don't want to be anyone's experiment."

Tipping her head back, Delphine could see the serious gaze locking with her own eyes. "I don't want to experiment with you, Cosima." Whatever this was, something told her this wasn't some sort of trial and error. Nothing near as simple as that. She didn't even understand her own emotions, so she didn't fault the brunette's suspicion. There was a wary caution in the dark eyes and she wished she could offer some other sort of comfort.

"What changed?"

Blinking through the stream of smoke, Delphine's brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"You were always kind to me, but like, you were kind to everyone but there wasn't much beyond that." Cosima watched her closely. "I mean, you were just this… beautiful girl who everyone loved that was completely outside my bubble and… Suddenly you need tutoring when you used to have straight A's. You broke up with your boyfriend and quit the cheerleading squad." When Delphine takes the joint from her, she runs fingers through blonde curls, just a little surprised when light hazel eyes close and a smile slips across her pale features. "You're not like some evil twin or robot are you?"

Delphine had to laugh. Before waking up in the past, she could have sworn she was the same person she had always been. She made it a life mission to be kind to people, sometimes at her own expense, but she realized now how guarded she's always been. Had it always been some fake side of her she projected?

She wanted to tell Cosima everything. Maybe telling her would help? After all… if Cosima knew she was going to die… maybe she would go to the doctor. It seemed logical… at least to her mind that was starting to feel as though she was floating. "You'll think I'm crazy if I tell you." But would the universe rebel against her decisions? There was a reason for everything wasn't there? What if the world ended up a horrible place because of this? What if she'd irreparably damaged her future for the worse?

Cosima rose her eyebrows, her lips pulling back into a smile. "Why would I ever think that?"

"Because… there are times that I doubt my own sanity."

It was the solemn tone that caught Cosima's attention and her smile wavered. "Try me."

Reaching up to caress the back of Cosima's neck, Delphine gave the brunette her own smile, pulling gently. "I'd love to try you." She whispered just before their lips meet again. She knew she shouldn't, that they were having a serious conversation, but she could feel a pleasant hum coursing through her limbs and she couldn't stop herself. Her body was overrun with teenage hormones and she couldn't even remember the last time she wanted to kiss someone so much.

Cosima laughed a few seconds later, breaking off the kiss. "You know that's not what I meant."

"I think it's a little too soon to try other things." Delphine wanted to slap herself after the words slipped out. Sitting up, she caught the shocked look Cosima was giving her. "Merde. I didn't mean to say that out loud."

"But you were thinking it." Cosima pushed her glasses further up her nose, the look on her face somewhere between a sappy grin and a confused frown. "You've thought about… it?"

Delphine felt a blush coloring her cheeks. "Whether I have or not, I'd rather not talk about it right now." She slid closer until she and Cosima were pressed side to side. "Why are you so concerned about me caring about you?"

"Super popular student suddenly interested in school outcast?" Cosima shrugged in uncertainty. "I don't know if you've just never seen like the dozens of teen movies with this very situation but the last thing I want is to go Carrie on everyone when Paul appears out of nowhere dropping a pail of blood on my head."

"Do you have some sort of telepathy that I'm not aware of?" Delphine cringed, but she could see exactly what the brunette was insinuating. "If anyone is getting a bucket of blood dropped on them, it's Paul." Laying back down, she laughed at the thought, but mostly because the weed was starting to kick in. "He definitely deserves it. I don't care how many TV shows he's starred in."

Cosima blinked in confusion. "How many tv roles has he gotten?"

"He hasn't yet." Delphine felt an odd cloud of comfort slide over her and she turned on her side, wrapping an arm around the brunette's thigh. "Not for another 2 years. Then another 10 years before it's anything really substantial."

"What are you talking about?" Cosima couldn't stop herself, running her fingers through blonde hair.

"You asked what changed. I have been to the future and I know what my life will be like 20 years from now." She sniffled. Somewhere in her head, a warning went off, telling her to keep her mouth shut, but it was overwhelmed by a strange desire to have Cosima believe her. "Or maybe I went back in time 20 years. I don't really know which anymore."

Cosima's eyebrows shot up. "Dude. You got high really fast."

"I did." Delphine laughed. "Before seeing you again, I haven't smoked since I was at a premier party for some stupid ass tv show about clones. Mmmm Cosima, you should learn to enjoy your life more. Life after high school is such bullshit."

"You almost sound serious." Cosima kills her joint but decides to play along. "20 years huh? Oprah still the queen of daytime TV?"

Delphine had to laugh at that. "Non. Oprah could not compete with Ellen."

"Ellen?"

"Oui. Ellen DeGeneres. She has the best TV show."

Cosima scoffed. "No way. Dude, she's gay. We can't even get married."

"Yet." Delphine smiled. "You can in my time. Ellen is."

The very thought was ludicrous and Cosima laughed. "Oh she is is she? To who?"

Delphine sighed softly, her fingertip tracing the wrinkles of the brunette's knee. "Mmm Portia De Rossi…. she's really sweet. I got to meet her once at a party."

"The hot blonde from Ally McBeal?" Now Cosima knew she was just going crazy. "... I gotta talk to Fe about this weed…"

"Felix!" Delphine laughs again. "Such a great artist. I went to a show of his a few months ago, it was quite lovely…. months… years from now… whatever." She felt a weariness slipping over her. She could swear could hear Cosima calling her name, but she gave in to the exhaustion.

* * *

 

"Oi. You alright, Delphine?"

Delphine blinked warily as a familiar face hovered over her own. She panicked slightly, sitting up as she scrambled away.

"Calm down." The teenage boy snorted, backing away slightly.

Delphine looked around, her eyes taking in where she was. She knew she was in Cosima's basement but she didn't know why Felix was there and she felt her anxiety rising until she saw Cosima coming down the stairs.

"Hey, you're awake. How are you feeling?" Cosima dropped down onto the floor, offering her a cup of ice water.

"A little groggy." Delphine blinked, taking a sip of the water. "What's going on?"

"A little too much pot for you, Luv." Felix shook his head, pushing himself up to a stand. "You should eat something… maybe take a shower… you'll be fine."

Delphine felt an odd sense of being overwhelmed, the world spinning just enough to keep her off balance. Looking down into the glass of water, she couldn't quite put a finger on what was wrong.

"Hey." Cosima's hand landed on her shoulder. "You want me to take you home?"

Maybe that was what she needed. Delphine nodded, pushing herself to her feet and swaying just slightly.

It was a relatively quick trip and thankfully her parents weren't home as she found herself stumbling up the stairs. Standing in the center of her room, her mind went over the earlier conversation and a new panic washed over her.

"What the hell are you doing?" Delphine paced in the privacy of her room, her hand on her forehead. "You've gone completely insane." She couldn't believe the insanity she'd given into.

She'd kissed Cosima. Cosima who was 20 years younger than her. Cosima who was still, for all intents and purposes, a child. She was a grown woman who'd lived decades longer than the brunette and here she was acting like some stupid teenager. What was going to happen when she returned to the future, if she returned to the future? 20 years from now, Cosima was dead. She was married to Paul. She was heavily medicated on anti-anxiety meds and alcohol.

Kissing Cosima was so far from acceptable, she should be arrested.

And still… she'd felt herself melt. Tentative lips had sent a thrill through her, one she hadn't remembered feeling in a long time… if ever. She reflected on a lifetime of memories, surprised that she was having difficulty, not just pinning down moments that she'd felt were similar, but memories in general. She knew she would marry Paul, that Cosima would die, but memories that once came to her easily were starting to blur around the edges.

Scott had gotten married, hadn't he? What was his wife's name? Had she gone to the reunion with Paul? No… she wouldn't have. Who had she gone with?

Suddenly, the world was spinning and Delphine had to take a seat. She could feel panic creeping up from within as she realized what was going on. She was losing herself one miniscule detail at a time.


	10. Chapter 10

"Delphine?"

The knock that came was softer than it needed to be, unnecessarily gentle as her mother's head peeked in. She was no doubt surprised to see her daughter sitting up on the bed, hugging her knees with her one good arm, dark circles around her eyes.

"Ma chère fille." Mrs. Cormier moved to the side of her bed, pushing blonde curls to the side. "What's wrong?"

Delphine sniffled. She'd been up all night trying to sort through memories. It was strange, how she remembered so many things, but certain things were starting to blur around the edges, things just on the outside of her grasp. The worst thing, she decided, about losing memories was that she didn't actually know what she was losing. "I'm just tired, maman. I could not sleep last night."

Holding her knuckles to her daughter's forehead, she frowned. "Maybe you should stay home today? Get some sleep? It makes no sense going to school if you are just going to fall asleep in class. Is your arm hurting?"

Delphine shook her head. It hurt, but the pain was keeping her motivated, keeping her awake. She was so exhausted but she was afraid to sleep. What if when she woke, she returned to her old self, so desperate to fit in and keep her ignorant quarterback boyfriend that she'd do anything he asked.

"Stay home today." Her mother spoke with finality. "There is some soup in the pantry, but I will leave some money in case you want to order something after you've had some sleep." Leaning forward, she brushed a quick kiss to her daughter's temple. "Maybe taking a bath will help? Just don't submerge the cast."

Delphine watched as the woman left. She really needed to stop missing school, but she was in no condition to go to class.

How much was she going to lose?

What was she going to lose?

With a frustrated growl, she slipped from her bed and grabbed a notebook from her bag. She couldn't forget. She needed to remember. She sighed heavily as she sat on the bed again and started a list.

Save Cosima.

Save herself from years of her miserable marriage.

She remembered all the important things she needed to do. At least she thought she did. She tried to trace her timeline, get it down on paper in case she forgot.

Paul taking her to the Prom. Pregnancy. Marriage. Paul's acting career. She thought she remembered most of it, but the problem was she was no longer sure. She doubted almost everything.

She was sure she was married, but she was no longer sure on how long. She wasn't sure of the details, of how many times exactly Paul had cheated on her.

Oddly enough she was sure Cosima was going to Berkeley. She was sure she herself got accepted into the same college before things around Paul started to blur. She was sure Cosima got sick.

Cosima was still dying. Or at least she thought she was? Even that was bluring around edges, the details of when and how slipping from her mind even as she tried to chase them down.

She was certain that if she wrote it enough, repeated it enough, there would be no chance she could forget, so she wrote until her hand ached, until she had pages of facts and memories, "Save Cosima" written in more than one place.

She didn't know how long she was at it, hadn't noticed the time going by but the sun was shining brightly through her window when the doorbell rung. She ignored it as she let her eyes skim over the details of her life. There was so much she was uncertain about, memories she wrote down and crossed out and wrote down again.

The doorbell rang again in a more insistant way, the chime sounding over and over again and she sighed heavily, closing her notepad. Had she been a little more coherent, and thought back on everything that had happened the past week, she wouldn't have been so surprised to find the teen on the doorstep. "Cosima!?"

"Whoa, Delphine. Are you ok? You look a little… out of it." Cosima shifted the guitar on her back, her sleeveless black Joan Jett shirt wrinkling beneath the strap.

Delphine ran a shaky hand through her curls, trying to make some semblance of what was no doubt a mess. "Yes. I'm sorry I just… didn't sleep well last night." She tugged nervously at the old t-shirt she wore over a pair of boxers. "I'm sorry I must look like a wreck. I wasn't expecting you."

"No you don't. You're beautiful." Cosima spoke softly before her cheeks darkened to a bright crimson, realizing she spoke out loud. "You do look a little tired though. Did you get any sleep?" Cosima gave her a worried look as she stepped inside, the door closing behind her.

"Not really." Delphine shook her head, turning to head towards the kitchen, expecting the brunette would follow her. The complement wasn't lost on her, even in her state of disarray. She found the coffee pot still on, no doubt burning the coffee that was in the pot. She didn't care, pouring herself a cup only to have it taken away from her. "Cosima!"

"The last thing you need is caffeine." Cosima poured the dark sludge down the drain before turning back to Delphine, arms crossing over her chest. "So, can you not sleep or are you avoiding sleep?"

Delphine sighed heavily. "Oui?" She didn't really want to get in an argument, least of all with Cosima. "A little of both. I'm…" She wasn't sure how to explain anything. She vaguely remembered running her mouth way too much when she'd been high, but Cosima had laughed it off. She wasn't going to bring the subject back up. "I had a bad dream."

"Ugh, I hate those. Did you…" Cosima pursed her lips, not sure of what to say. "Did you want to talk about it?"

With a shake of her head, Delphine but her bottom lip. She held her hand out until Cosima took it and moved closer. "Thank you for asking… and for checking up on me." She pulled her closer, close enough to smell the marijuana on her shirt. "You're missing class again."

Cosima shrugged a shoulder. "Totally self-serving. You know...I don't have to go to class and I get to see a hot blonde?"

Delphine rolled her eyes. "Come here." She wasn't satisfied until her lips pressed against Cosima's. There was a little less awkwardness from the both of them than their previous kisses and Delphine wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. She was beginning to feel comfortable, something a nearly-40 year old woman shouldn't feel when making out with a 17 year old. After a moment, she broke off the kiss, feeling the exhaustion in her bones. "Sorry. I'm not being a good host. Did you want something to drink?"

After a moment of hesitation, Cosima reached up to push a blond curl back behind Delphine's ear. "You're barely standing straight, Delphine. You need to stop fighting it." Cosima slipped her hand back into Delphine's, tugging her out of the kitchen and up the stairs. "Come on. Let's get you back in bed."

Delphine didn't fight her, but allowed herself to be tugged along. She could only hope that the memories she wrote down would be enough to carry her through. Her eyes fell on the bed and she froze when she saw her notebook sitting there. Cosima didn't seem to notice anything was wrong as she grabbed the book and set it on the nearby desk without a second thought.

"Alright. Get in bed." Cosima turned, a smile on her lips.

She wanted to hide the book, to tuck it away somewhere no one could find it, but there was no way to do that without drawing suspicion. "Lay down with me?" Delphine eyed the brunette as she slipped into the bed, moving all the way over to one side in invitation. "Nothing dirty, just… lay down with me?"

"Erm…" Cosima seemed to debate the offer before kicking off her shoes. She set her guitar against the nightstand before slipping under the comforter. Her body was rigid with nervousness as she kept space between her and Delphine, obviously very conscious of where they each laid.

Delphine couldn't help smiling. She rolled onto her side, her cast tucked between them as she draped her good arm over Cosima's abdomen. "Relax. I'm not going to take advantage of you." She moved even closer, trying to extinguish the chill between them. "Why aren't you in school?"

Cosima turned on her side towards Delphine, her colorful dreads fanned out on the pillow. "You weren't in class…" She gave a small shrug. "I was worried after yesterday."

"That's sweet." Exhaustion tugged at her senses. Now that she was laying down and her mind was no longer focusing so intently on her memories, she could feel herself growing weary. "Thank you, Cosima."

Another small shrug. "Close your eyes, Delphine."

Delphine just nodded, doing as she was commanded.

 

* * *

 

She knew she was dreaming right away, but she found herself going along, caught in a trance of some sort. There was a foggy sensation over everything, a muted reality of things that had already passed. She wasn't watching from a distance or anything to that effect, but she had no control over her body. She wasn't a teenager, not stuck with her broken arm and falling grades. She was older again… not 38 but strangely in her 20s, the later half. She was in her loft, not the apartment she resided in alone once she split from Paul, but the one they shared together overlooking LA.

She remembered the dress she was wearing, the premier of some stupid movie Paul had played a role in that was just enough to get him access to the red carpet. She could feel the champagne loosening her inhibitions, mingling with the Xanax that still tasted bitter on her tongue even in her dream, knowing he would want to celebrate in his own way. She really wasn't in the mood, but she forced herself to think of her husband, merely closing her eyes as she felt the heat of him suddenly pressing against her back. His lips appeared at her throat, the stubble scraping across her delicate skin as she felt the long zipper of her dress being dragged down, the material being pushed off her shoulder by large hands that caressed her skin without a second thought. She prepared herself, knowing it was coming but still wincing as he bit down on her shoulder, harder than she liked.

The roughness excited him, she could feel the evidence of it pressed against her through his tailored slacks. Hands roughly cupped her breasts, seeming to fondle her with no interest in exciting her, twisting her nipples hard enough to make her whimper in pain before he roughly pushed her forward, her palms splayed across the surface of the table. She felt his hand dip between her legs from behind and she wondered if he could feel that she wasn't aroused, wondered if he even cared.

As she heard his belt unbuckling, all she could think was that she had to remember to tell the maid to wax the table again. Her eyes settled on the wall, expecting to see a shelf of photos eerily watching her about to be taken by her husband, but strangely the faces were nothing but blurred rectangles, photos of memories she couldn't pin down. What had been in the photos? Were they pictures of when they were once happy? Were they ever happy? She tried to remember as she waited for Paul.

She waited, but nothing came. She could still feel the heat of him behind her, but this memory wasn't playing out the way it was supposed to. Turning around, she was suddenly face to face with a much more welcome sight.

Cosima pushed herself to her toes, brushing the lightest of kisses against Delphine's lips, her hands settling on her hips that were no longer bare, but covered in soft pajama pants to match the tank top she wore. The table behind her had changed from a polished mahogany to a light oak, the apartment fading away to one that felt warmer, more inviting.

Breaking off the kiss, Delphine let her eyes travel over Cosima's face, seeing she was slightly slimmer, the bright colors of her dreads exchanged for an earthier tone that seemed more mature. She wasn't a teen anymore. She was the same age, in her 20s, and somehow had gotten even more beautiful and definitely more confident in her own skin.

"You're not going to make me beg again are you, Captain?" Cosima asked with a mischievous grin, the bridge of her nose wrinkling behind her thick framed glasses as she inched Delphine's pajama bottoms and boyshorts down over her hips.

Delphine bit her bottom lip, feeling the searing heat that accompanied the light touches of Cosima's fingertips around the edge of her pants. There was the desire that had been missing, before… "Maybe…" She responded, but her body was already responding, stripping off her own tank top as the rest of her clothes fell to the floor in a heap of material. She was pushed back until she relented and sat on the edge of the table, the woman positioned between her thighs, fingertips drawing a slow path up.

"You are so beautiful." Cosima whispered in awe, as if they hadn't been together for a decade, as if it were the first time she were catching a glimpse of the long legth of pale skin. "How did I get so lucky?" Her words were muffled by the kisses she placed along Delphine's jaw.

"I'm the lucky one." Delphine responded. Her patience grew way too thin and she quickly covered the woman's hand, pressing it firmly against her arousal. Her soft whimper was captured by Cosima's devious smile and playful tongue, teasing her own lips with abandon. Delphine cupped the woman's cheeks, returning the kiss with an urgent desperation that surprised her as fingers pressed into her.

She felt the fogginess of her dream slip away as the kiss grew tangible. She could feel the softness of Cosima's cheek in her hand and the tentative response as if the girl was unsure about Delphine's tongue moving against her own. This wasn't the confident 20-something year old she'd just been kissing; the 20-something year old that had shamelessly taken her on the kitchen table like it was something they did on a regular basis. Blinking her eyes open, Delphine broke the kiss off in surprise. "Merde… Desolèe… Sorry, Cosima."

"No no…" Cosima, missing her glasses, blinked her eyes that were still wide with surprise. "I… um…" She licked her lips before clearing her throat. "That was a little more intense than…" She took a calming breath. "There are worse ways to be woken up, though I'm really curious what you were dreaming about…"

Delphine felt her cheeks redden with embarassment. "I don't remember." She lied, looking over Cosima at the clock on her night stand. She'd been asleep for two hours. It had seemed to go by so much quicker in her dream.

"Well if you remember, let me know, cause it's probably better than dreaming about the crappy concert I was dreaming about…"

As she burried her face against Cosima's shoulder, trying to ignore the thrum of arousal that coursed through her body, she tried to focus on the dream. It had been a memory… or at least it felt like it had been, but even as she tried to remember the details, they escaped her grasp. As she tried to remember the rough feel of stubble against her skin, all she felt was the soft brush of lips and the tender caress of knowing fingertips.


	11. Chapter 11

"Something is happening."

Scott jumped as Delphine dropped her school books on the lab table. "You're from the future trying to save the world. Of course things are happening." He adjusted his glasses with a sigh, closing his notebook.

"That's not what I'm talking about." Delphine adjusted her backpack. Having finally returned to class for a full day, she had a stack of assignments to finish. She found him in the lab again, beginning to wonder if maybe he spent all day there. "I'm beginning to forget."

His brows furrowed. "Like what?"

"If I could remember I wouldn't have a problem, would I?" Delphine sighed in frustration. Once they woke up, she had spent the previous day curled up with Cosima on her couch watching movies. "I know I'm starting to lose track of things, but things are…" Shaking her head, she dug through her bag, removing her notepad and flipping through it. "Maybe it started before and I just didn't notice it because I was so distracted, but now I'm starting to notice things. When I wake up, I've lost just a little more of myself." She showed him a page in which she detailed a trip to Paris. "I remember going to Paris, but when I try to remember who was with me, I can't. I wrote this yesterday morning, and yesterday apparently I remembered Paul was with me, but I can't see it in my mind."

"That's…" Scott gave her a worried look. "It almost sounds as though… as you're making changes, your mind is stuck in some sort of… space time convergence… like your mind is from the future and as your future changes, so are your memories." He reached for the notebook, only to have Delphine pull it back.

"I'm sorry, Scott." She didn't know how to explain things. "Your future is… I can't risk changing anything for you and you knowing would do just that"

Scott gave her a curious look before he decided not to push. "Are you remembering anything new? If you're losing stuff, do you have any that seem to conflict with what you've jot down?"

Delphine bit her bottom lip. She was not going to explain her dream to a teenage boy. "There are… I think." She swallowed. "I was dreaming and it was a memory… but the memory changed as the dream progressed and…" She exhaled, thinking about the dream that still brought a flush to her cheeks. No, she was definitely not going to share the dream with Scott. "But overall, I cannot seem to decipher what is missing versus what is new."

"This is so strange." Scott removed his glasses to rub his eyes. "It's actually unheard of...not that there's any real precedent. Most theories of time travel involve the time traveler usually keeps their memories of the old life once they return to the future, but yours are changing?"

"If that's even what's happening." Delphine huffed. "I could just be going insane… if I'm not there already…"

"You're not going insane, Delphine. At least I hope not because you make way too much sense."

Delphine rubbed her temple. "If I'm making changes, why aren't the memories just completely replaced? Why am I remembering both Paul and Cosima?" She meant the question more to be for herself, trying to think through the changes.

"Cosima?" Scott's eyebrows rose. "Are you saying your memories with Paul are being replaced with memories of Cosima?" When a dark red blush came across Delphine's face, he shook his head. "No no. Delphine that's a good thing. It means she lives."

Delphine understood that much. She was glad that Scott didn't put much thought into what else that meant. "But the memories are still blending. They're not replaced completely."

Scott thought about that, taking a deep breath. He reached up to straighten his glasses. "Maybe you just haven't done anything big enough."

Big enough. Delphine sighed heavily. She's broken up with Paul, broke her hand on his face, destroyed her entire social status befriending the school's outcast and… She thought of Cosima's lips on her own, the smile on the brunette's face as they laid together on her bed. She was wary of what would be considered "big enough."

"Hey!"

Both Scott and Delphine jumped.

Cosima rose an eyebrow at them. "You guys look like you're plotting the end of the world."

"Saving it, really." Scott joked.

Delphine cleared her throat, smiling as Cosima approached. "I was looking for you actually."

Cosima gave her a look as though she didn't believe her, but she didn't push the matter. "It's raining out, did you want to risk it or wait it out?"

It wasn't raining too hard, Delphine decided, pursing her lips. "Where are we going?" It didn't matter what the brunette responded with, she was sure she would agree.

A grin spread across Cosima's face as she offered the helmet to the blonde. "It's a secret."

Fate of the world, Delphine thought as she bit her bottom lip, accepting the helmet. "What's the fun in playing safe?"

"Atta girl." Cosima grinned impossibly wider. "You alright Scott?"

Delphine looked at Scott who had a perplexed look on his face as he looked from Cosima to Delphine and back to the brunette again. Could it be that when she said her memories were being replaced with Cosima that he hadn't actually put it together then? "Scott?"

Surprised, Scott jumped slightly. "What?"

Cosima laughed. "Nevermind. We'll see you later, Scotty."

Delphine gathered her books, offering a quick wave before following the brunette.

* * *

 

"Cosima!" Delphine laughed as she ducked under the structure, the rain mercilessly pouring down all around them. They'd been walking for about 15 minutes along the waterline of the deserted beach, the light rain doing little to damper their playful conversation until the skies suddenly opened up. Luckily, there was a walkway that extended over the ocean from the boardwalk for them to huddle under.

"Ok." Cosima laughed, running a hand through her dreads. "So… the beach when it's drizzling is fantastic ambiance to share an afternoon with a cute girl… a typhoon however…" Her words were cut off by Delphine's hand on her cheek, pulling her closer for a kiss.

It was the most trite thing on the planet, something she'd seen a million times in those stupid romance movies Hollywood loved making. Real life however… Delphine pulled away as her body was racked with shivers, the cold having penetrated her clothing without mercy. "Merde… it's cold."

Cosima laughed. "Sorry. I'd give you my hoodie but..." She gestured to her soaked clothes before she pulled off her glasses, blinking away the raindrops. "This was such a horrible idea."

"No it wasn't." Delphine couldn't help but laugh as she ran her hand through her hair, trying to sort the soggy mess. "Is your bike going to be ok?"

"Eh it's fine." Cosima tugged at her hoodie, feeling it clinging to her body. "The seat compartment is airtight so... Hakuna Matata." She shrugged. Looking up, she found Delphine biting her bottom lip as she watched her. "What?"

"Did you just quote the Lion King?" Even in the cold, Delphine could see the way Cosima's cheeks colored slightly. "You are adorable."

"Yes but in the punk rock way, right?" Cosima crossed her arms over her chest in defiance.

Delphine nodded quickly. "Completely. Very much in the punk rock way." She chuckled, pulling the brunette closer again. "Very, very punk rock."

Cosima took a deep breath, her hands settling on the blonde's hips. "Delphine… can I ask you something?"

Blinking, Delphine tilted her head to the side. "Of course."

"What is this?"

Her brows furrowing, Delphine frowned slightly. "What is what?"

"This." Cosima looked down at the lack of space between them, the pads of her thumbs caressing the soft skin of Delphine's sides just under the edge of her shirt. "I mean… are you my girlfriend?"

It was such an adolescent moment that it took Delphine by surprise. She hadn't really thought much of it, or rather she'd thought too much about it and refused to label it. There was rarely such a thing as "casual dating" when in high school. It wasn't just meeting someone for drinks and worrying whether to sleep with someone on the 2nd or 3rd date. It wasn't months of steady flirting and testing the waters, discussions of stances on children and religious beliefs before agreeing to be exclusive… not that she had much experience in the matter, having only been with Paul. But high school… the title didn't carry such an enormous weight. In high school you could consider someone your girlfriend or boyfriend just because you agreed to it. One day someone wasn't and then they were.

But what significance did Cosima put into it?

"I mean, you don't have to answer," Cosima piped up suddenly, as if sensing her indecision. "I know you just broke up with Paul and I don't want you to think you owe me anything, I just…"

There was something in Cosima's eyes that worried Delphine. She couldn't resist cupping the girl's cheek in her hand, tracing frowning lips with her thumb. "I don't know, Cosima. I don't know what this is."

"I'm just…" Cosima sighed, leaning slightly into the touch. "I need to know how much to invest in this…" She trailed off, her expression one of uncertainty before she continued. "I knew this girl… during Summer camp. Like she was totally older than me, a junior counselor…" At Delphine's furrowed brow, Cosima quickly added, "not like one of the real counselors but like, when you get older, you get to be a junior counselor to help with the younger kids… She was 16..." She shook her head. "But I was still like 13, at that too old to be a kid, too young to be a junior counselor stage… but I was just starting to realize that I, you know, didn't really like guys…"

Delphine was pretty sure she knew where this conversation was heading and she wasn't quite sure she wanted to hear it but instead she nodded encouragingly.

"Anyway, I don't know if she noticed the way I looked at the other girls or whatever but like one evening when everyone was at the campfire, I went back to my cabin cause I forgot my hoodie and she followed me." Cosima sighed softly, looking away. "I was such a dumbass. I mean, she was really cute and… she started kissing me and it felt like so right and I didn't even stop her when she started… I was just some stupid kid who hadn't even been kissed let alone..." Shaking her head she pursed her lips, as if she couldn't believe her younger self. "Anyway the next day I was such an idiot. I was pretty sure I was head over heels in love with her and like… the next time I saw her she was making out with this dude counselor. She didn't even acknowledge me."

"Cosima…" Delphine felt her heart breaking for the brunette.

"That wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was like a week later, it happened again. She surprised me in the bathroom one evening, pushed me back into one of the stalls as I was coming out and like…" She rolled her eyes in exaggeration, turning away and putting a bit of distance between her and Delphine, crossing her arms over her chest as she watched the rain.

"Thinking back now, God I was such an moron. I mean, I was hands down smarter than like 99% of the kids in the camp but the second she found me alone and started… Like I let it happen over and over again. I'd find ways to isolate myself and she'd always follow me. We'd make out and do… other stuff… always where someone wouldn't catch us and the next morning I'd get to watch her flirting with one of the older guys. And I know she wasn't just flirting with them...But I was like this puppy dog that had this stupid crush and I would do anything for her and then the last week of camp she just… disconnected. She didn't look me at all and didn't even say goodbye."

Delphine felt a wave of emotions as the brunette spoke, from sorrow, to anger, to pure rage. She seriously wanted to find out who that girl was and just ring her neck.

"Anyway…" Cosima laughed nervously, reaching up to rub the back of her own neck. "I don't blame her… I mean the world's pretty fucked up and all  _God hates fags_ and all that and I just… I know you're not with Paul anymore and I know we can't like… make out in front of everyone, but… I need to know if one day you're just gonna… pretend I don't exist."

"Cosima…" Delphine shook her head. "I would never do that to you." Unsure of how to reassure her, she pulled her closer again, getting no resistance as she pressed her lips to Cosima's for the softest kiss, feeling the delicate brush of lips and tongues fusing a bond between them as Cosima's hands pulled their bodies closer together. No, she'd never felt anything like this before. Never with Paul, of that she was certain. Breaking off the kiss, she laughed softly. "And I do blame her. If I ever find her, I will kick her ass and make sure she knows she's the one that doesn't exist."

Cosima laughed at that. "Well, if you can stop cutting school and get into Berkeley, you totally could, but I wouldn't want you to." When Delphine gave her a questioning look, she shrugged. "I guess Shay kinda found me in an AOL chatroom for Berkley lesbians a few months back. I mean… she seemed sorry. She's working on her degree in Physical therapy and she says college is a whole different story as far as..." She shrugged.

Delphine frowned. Cosima was better than that, but she understood the power of first loves. You tend to forgive them for anything until eventually, you find yourself stuck in a relationship you don't want to be in. This Shay… Her frown deepened. Where the hell had she heard that name before?

"Did I just freak you out?" Cosima asked uncertainly. "I mean… we just talked. We're not like… cybering or anything."

Delphine couldn't place the name and she didn't really want to think about Cosima cybering anyone. Instead she just shook her head. "Come here." she whispered, pressing her lips once more to Cosima's briefly before looking into her eyes. "I don't know what this is… and I don't know where it's going but… You deserve so much more than that in the world. You deserve to be happy."

"Well…" Cosima paused, as if gathering her bravado. "You make me happy."

It was strange how hearing such a simple phrase from the teen, so easily brought a smile to her own face. "You do too." She responded naturally. It left a bittersweet taste in her mouth, knowing that she actually was happy, that she couldn't deny that spur of giddiness that rested within her despite knowing that… it would have to end. "I'm not going to ever pretend you don't exist, Cosima." Even as she said the words, there was no way she could know. What would happen when she eventually returned to the future? Would her old self be left in her shoes, not knowing what had happened the entire time she was in the past? Would that old self eventually do what Cosima feared everyone would do to her? How could she even stop that from happening? She had no control over what had happened or what could happen in the future.

"Do you believe in fate?"

Blinking at the sudden question from Cosima, it felt like a shock hitting her right in the gut. Fate? How could she believe in fate? Fate would have her with Paul. Or would it? Or would Fate put her back in the history like she was. "I don't know. I never really thought about it." That was a lie, wasn't it? In a strange way, that's all she's been thinking about since she woke up on the football field. What was and what was meant to be and were they the same thing? "I mean, I want to go into science eventually, and fate cannot be scientifically proven now, can it?"

Cosima pursed her lips, trying to process that. Eventually, a smile crossed her features. "Man we are so different."

Delphine shrugged. She was doing her best not to look alarmed.

"It's not a bad thing. I mean… I totally love science but… that doesn't have to cancel out your beliefs…" Cosima smiled. "But I mean, it's totally ok if you don't believe in that stuff…or whatever."

Another shrug and Delphine was looking down at her shoes covered in wet sand. Her mind was going through a million thoughts a minute and she just wanted to shut it all out. "I'm not too sure what my beliefs are anymore…" Worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, she tried to just push it all aside, get rid of all the bullshit about the past and the future and just live in the moment. Suddenly, she felt a sense of deja vu, as if she'd lived the moment before. Did it mean she was on the right path or the wrong one? Or was it just a feeling she shouldn't invest too much time in like she wouldn't have before all this happened?

"So…" Cosima had a slightly guilty look on her face as she looked out into the rain. "We're not gonna be able to get up the hill to your place in this, at least not until the worst passes." She pursed her lips, kicking lightly at the sand in an almost bashful way. In no way did she look like someone who just revealed one of her biggest insecurities.

Delphine knew what the brunette wanted to ask, knew what the best option was. "Your place would be easier to get to, non?"

A grin spread across her face. "Now that you mention it…"

"Uh huh." Delphine grinned, letting the brunette's nonchalance seep into her, washing away her worries. She'd forgotten what it was like to feel this, the strange bashful flutter in her abdomen in response to the someone's attention. Or maybe… she'd never felt it before at all… maybe it was just something she read about in books and saw in movies.

With Paul it was always… sex, even as a teen when she hadn't been smart enough to know any better. She'd thought that's what relationships were, parties and making out and… everything else. Did it continue into their marriage?

Delphine blinked, realizing it was another thing she was having trouble remembering. Did he ever make her feel that way? Would he ever? At any time? That small flutter in her chest whenever Cosima said her name… had Paul's voice ever done that? Why couldn't she remember? Her memories seemed to be slipping away faster than she realized.

"Delphine?"

"Hmm?" Blinking, Delphine realized the teen was talking to her. "Sorry…" She saw the worried look in the dark hazel eyes. "Must be the cold…"

Cosima nodded. "The rain let up a little bit. We could probably make it to my house if we go slow. Maybe we can get you warmed up?"

Raising an eyebrow, Delphine nodded. "Lead the way, ma chérie."

* * *

 

Handing the joint over, Delphine hugged her knees to her chest, the towel draped over her shoulder as she watched the brunette settle it between her lips as she continued fiddling with the tension on her guitar, occasionally plucking at one of the bronze strings to test the note. Delphine could feel the blurry disconnect of her mind and felt slightly relieved. She was tired of worrying about the future, about the past, and the neverending problems it caused. "Will you play something for me?"

A small smile tugged at the brunette's lips as she looked up over the rim of her glasses. "What do you want to hear?" She took a deep hit from the joint, holding it like Delphine, the girl's hair and clothes were soaked from the rain, but the brunette, who had at least removed her sodden sweater, didn't seem to care about them leaking puddles onto the circle rug.

Waving off the joint that was held out towards her, Delphine gave the girl an innocent look. "Play something… that makes you think of me." It felt like she was opening a door she shouldn't, a thousand warning signs blinking at her, vying for her attention.

"Ok…"

Delphine ignored them all, adoring the expression the teen's face.

Cosima's brow furrowed for a minute as she killed the joint, drawing out the moment dramatically with a questioning hum before a mischievous look came over her. She sat up a little straighter as she turned the guitar over on her lap, strings down. Instead of strumming, she began to beat out a rhythm on the body of the instrument.

_"You and me baby ain't nothin but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the discovery channel…"_

"Cosima!" Delphine cut her off before she could go any further.

"What?" Cosima gave her an innocent look before breaking out into a soft laugh. "You said pick a song that reminds me of you."

Delphine covered her face, feeling her cheeks growing red. She was a grown woman, she shouldn't be blushing, especially from the attention of a teenage. Maybe it was the way her memories were slowly bleeding away, or the way physiology was overpowering her mind….Biting her bottom lip, she cursed her teenage hormones before reaching out and playfully pushing Cosima on the shoulder. The girl was utterly ridiculous.

Cosima's laugh was equal parts joyous and infectious as she situated her guitar right way up on her lap. "Okay, okay. I'm kidding…" Though the look on her face made delphine question if she really was. Cosima's chuckles faded as she took on a more serious look, clearing her throat. There was a slight hesitation before she nodded, chewing on the corner of her lip for the barest of moments before she began to strum a soft melody.

The notes sounded vaguely familiar, Delphine decided as she tilted her head to the side, the girl's fingers easily sliding down the neck. For a moment she wondered if it was going to be an instrumental piece until the girl started singing, her voice soft and breathy.

_"What's with these homies, dissing my girl?_  
Why do they gotta front?  
_What did we ever do to these guys?_  
_To make them so violent?"_

Of course it was familiar. Delphine felt her lips spreading into a smile as she rested her chin on her knee. She had heard the song at so many parties in college but this was the slowest and gentlest rendition she'd ever heard.

_Woo-hoo, but you know I'm yours_  
_Woo-hoo, and I know you're mine_  
_Woo-hoo, and that's for all time_

The acoustic melody and emotional words sounded slightly haunting as dark hazel eyes looked up, locking with her own.

_Oo-ee-oo I look just like Buddy Holly_  
_Oh-oh, and you're Mary Tyler Moore_  
_I don't care what they say about us anyway_  
_I don't care bout that_

Delphine chuckled softly as the brunette strummed a few notes, her cheeks coloring the softest shade of red as her emotions battled with the chill of her skin. She watched as a sliver of the girl's tongue peaked out to wet her lips before continuing.

_Don't you ever fear, I'm always near_  
_I know that you need help_  
_Your tongue is twisted, your eyes are slit_  
_You need a guardian_  
_Woo-hoo, and you know I'm yours_  
_Woo-hoo, and I know you're mine_  
_Woo-hoo, and that's for all time_

When the girl's eyes dropped down to the guitar again, Delphine shifted, moving to her knees. Surprised eyes looked up as Delphine leaned closer, her strumming faltering just slightly before she continued singing, her voice soft and strained as Delphine's good hand came up to push a dread behind Cosima's ear.

_Oo-ee-oo I look just like Buddy Holly_  
_Oh-oh, and you're Mary Tyler Moore_  
_I don't care what they say about us anyway_  
_I don't care…_

Cosima's words were cut off as soft lips pressed against her own. She was caught off guard, her hands still struggling to keep up with the notes despite the fact that her lips responded in turn, meeting Delphine's own exploration with ease. It wasn't until the blonde pressed closer, a tongue flicking across her lips, that she slid the guitar off her lap, removing the barrier between them.

It was insane, Delphine knew as her hand cupped the still chilled cheek. She'd been playing this ridiculous game of "what could happen" and she just wanted to be able to live. There was no way to know what changes she was making to the timeline of her life, no way of knowing what she was forgetting as she broke the kiss off, pressing her forehead to Cosima's. "I shouldn't be doing this." She whispered, brushing the tip of her nose against the girl's.

"Yes you totally should." Cosima grinned brightly, tipping her face up just slightly to capture lips again. When Delphine shifted closer, she found herself wrapping her arm around the blonde's waist, pulling her closer.

Delphine felt the fire engulf her blood as she straddled the girl's lap. The consequences suddenly seemed so miniscule as she gave in to the siren's call, meeting Cosima's timid lips again in a kiss that reached down inside her, bringing her teen self to the surface and inspiring an innocent carelessness.

In her entire life, she'd only been with one person, Paul, and she had very few memories of his touch beyond the stumbling yet over confident bravado of their teenage intimacy. It was so strange to find herself getting lost in the gentle embrace of cautious hands, warm fingertips a direct contrast to her chilled skin.

And yet there was that voice of caution in the back of her mind. She couldn't let this go any further, couldn't let herself cross the line even as she began to forget. Cosima was 17 and she was…

She forgot how old she was, how many years she'd lived with Paul, and how many years she'd been unhappy. She didn't know if it was the drugs spurring her inhibitions, detaching her mind from reality just enough that she… With a small gasp, she broke off the kiss, struggling to catch her breath as she leaned back slightly. She could feel the palm splayed against the small of her back beneath her shirt, heat radiating through her body. "Désolée…"

Cosima, to her credit, nodded quickly before burying her face in Delphine's shoulder


	12. Chapter 12

"This should fit." Cosima offered Delphine a small stack of clothes. "I usually have to roll the jeans up so… some of us weren't graced with such an awesome growth spurt." It was a little bit of a sore spot for her. She'd stopped growing and so had Sarah. Unfortunately for them, they were now about the same height as their mother. "Some of us are doomed to live the life of garden gnomes."

"I think your height is perfect." Delphine took the clothes, the chill from her still wet clothes finally having gotten to her.

"Perfect for being the shortest person in class."

Delphine shook her head, stepping a little closer. "Non. Perfect for this." Leaning forward, she pressed a gentle kiss to soft lips, nearly laughing as she pulled away and Cosima chased the kiss for the briefest of moments. "See. Perfect."

Cosima groaned. "You are a cruel person." She took a deep breath and released a miserable sigh. "Did you... " She pursed her lips as her eyes dropped to Delphine's cast. "Did you need help?" She realized how that could have sounded and quickly added, "because of your arm? I'm not sure…"

A smirk worked it's way across Delphine's face that was part hormones, part adolescent nonchalance. "You know if you wanted to undress me…"

"No!..." Cosima quickly responded. "I mean… yes… but no… shit!"

Delphine couldn't help but laugh. "Well if you're not going to help, turn around." She placed the small stack on the bed, not waiting for Cosima to comply before stripping off her damp shirt. As her sleeve snagged on her cast, she couldn't help but wince at the pain, a sign that her high from earlier was wearing off.

Cosima froze, her eyes doubling in size behind her glasses as she was torn between blatant staring and knowing she shouldn't.

There was a nagging voice telling Delphine this was wrong, but at the moment she couldn't really remember why or even care. It was something in the back of her mind, something saying no, but it was overruled by the rapid beating of her own heart and the memory of soft lips.

Maybe she was focusing too much on it. It was perfectly normal, wasn't it? She changed in the locker room in front of others all the time, but she felt a slight flush come over her as she saw the look in Cosima's eyes. Then again, Cosima wasn't like the others. "See something you like?"

Cosima inattentive turned bright red. "No!...Yes! Fuck!" She sounded like a broken record as she quickly spun around, head in her hands. "I swear I'm really not trying to be like a perverted spaz."

Delphine chuckled, slipping the black shirt over her head. "As you say, Hakuna Matata." It took a little more work to shuck off the damp jeans. She was glad Cosima wasn't watching her because she was sure she'd had far more graceful days, nearly falling over was well worth the effort as Cosima's jeans were soft and she was thankful for the blissful warmth they provided. They were indeed the perfect length for her but she found herself to have one small problem. "Ok… so I need your help." She finally admitted having weighed all the options and finding only one.

Turning around, the flush in her cheeks had lessened slightly and Cosima grinned at the sight of the blonde in her tshirt and jeans. "I live to serve."

"These jeans have a button fly."

Cosima nodded. "Yeah! Don't hate. Button flies are totally… well… fly!"

Delphine sighed softly. "One button I can handle with a little work, but 4… we're going to be here all night."

"What do you…" Cosima's words trailed off as the blonde rose her casted arm, an expression on her face indicating Cosima should have known this. "Oh… shit." scratching her head, she pursed her lips, turning to her drawers. "Well...I can probably find… err..."

"You can probably come over here and help me button them." Delphine quickly spoke up, that option apparently not even occurring to the brunette.

"Me?" Cosima pointed at herself. "You want me to…" Her eyes dropped to where the t-shirt was blocking the unbuttoned fly. "No… I can't…" just the thought of her hands being that close to… Yes she wasn't technically a virgin but Delphine was… well… Delphine, and someone didn't just stick their hand down the front of the jeans worn by the most popular girl in school.

"You are making this really weird, Cosima." Delphine shook her head. Reaching out, she grabbed her by the front of her shirt, pulling her forward. "You're just buttoning a few buttons… but… If you want, I can go ask Sarah… I mean, she is kinda cute…" She joked.

Cosima's eyes narrowed behind her glasses. "That is way harsh, Captain." She protested as her hands settled on the blonde's hips. "Ok, so…" She tried not to think about the slight chill to Delphine's skin or the way her knuckles brushed against damp cotton panties. "Can I ask you a question?" She needed to get her mind off of what she was doing.

Delphine had closed her eyes, attempting to keep her breathing even as she felt the warmth of Cosima's fingers. "What?"

Fastening the first button which took the most care considering how close her hand was to… Cosima shook her head. "You don't have like… some weird twins sex fantasy do you?"

Her eyes shooting open, Delphine found the brunette grinning at her. "What?" Her voice came out in an incredulous huff.

"Like…" Cosima fastened the next button. "I'm not into the whole… incest thing." Getting the next button done, she smirked. "I mean… I like my sister and all, but the only womb I ever want to have shared with her is our mother's."

Delphine grimaced. "No… God no." Shaking her head, she looked down as Cosima finished the last button. "It was just a joke, Cosima." She felt the soft stroke of the brunette's thumb against her stomach and she rose an eyebrow. "I have no interest in Sarah." She whispered as she covered the brunette's hand with her own. "Thank you for your help."

Cosima swallowed. "It was… so my pleasure."

It took everything in Delphine to take a step back, swallowing audibly as she fought with the surge of need and desire she felt.

Cosima wasn't sure if she was disappointed or thankful as she took a deep breath. "Ok so… you have a test tomorrow right?"

Delphine nodded. Studying was safer, she thought as she tried to push aside the heat of Cosima's touch that had somehow burnt its way into her memory.

With a nod and taking a seat on the floor, they took the safer path of studying. An hour went by easily, Cosima helping her through some of roadblocks while doing her own homework. That was… until Delphine felt eyes glued to her, the brunette obviously having lost interest in her own studies.

"Stop."

Cosima smirked as she returned her eyes to the textbook, trying to focus on her homework.

Delphine scribbled down a few numbers before she felt a gaze glued to her again. Looking up, dark hazel eyes averted quickly back to the math book. They had put some space between themselves after earlier, but she wasn't getting anywhere with her own homework any more than she knew the brunette was. "Cosima…"

"I'm sorry!" Cosima closed her book in frustration. "I can't help it… You're just…" Her words trailed off.

"I'm just… what?" Delphine noticed the look in Cosima's eyes, even as they were averted. The brunette wasn't very good at hiding her emotions.

"Beautiful."

Delphine felt her heart skip a beat. Since they started dating, Paul had always referred to her as hot, something she detested more than words. He never called her beautiful. She didn't think the word even was a part of his vocabulary. "Cosima," Delphine closed her books, pushing them aside, "come here."

Cosima wasted no time in pushing aside her own books and scrambling closer until she was inches from the blonde.

Reaching out to cup Cosima's cheek, Delphine smiled, pulling her forward for a kiss. She could feel the revenance in the tender response, something so delicate that she felt her heart swelling. Breaking off the kiss, she traced the brunette's lips with her thumb, watching as they spread into a smile. "You are the most beautiful creature on this planet." She whispered, surprising herself with her own candor. The soft blush that colored cosima's cheeks only added to her beauty.

She thought back on her dream, remembering the dark dreads and the devious expression as knowing hands had easily claimed her, but that was just one possible future when she wasn't… she didn't even know anymore how many years were between them. She should have been worried about that, worried that maybe her memories were slipping away just a little faster than she wanted, but it was difficult to find a reason to care with Cosima's presence so close.

"What are you thinking about?"

Delphine smiled. "You."

"You know…" Cosima inched even closer, straddling her thighs and bumping the tip of her nose against Delphine's, chuckling softly. "For someone who wanted to put some space between us not that long ago..."

"Shut up." Delphine laughed as she pushed the brunette back just slightly. As if second-guessing that, she tangled her hand in her shirt and pulled her forward for a more solid kiss.

She'd started this friendship with a simple plan, to save Cosima. So why did it feel like she was saving herself instead?

* * *

 

"Hey!" Sarah called down the basement stairs. "Delphine's dad is here!"

Delphine cursed as she began to jam her books into her bag, biting her bottom lip as Cosima watched her. "Stop." She laughed as she grabbed the sweet body spray from her bag and spritzed it lightly to rid herself of the smell of pot. The rain hadn't let up at all and she had begrudgingly called her parents for a ride home.

"I don't think I can stop." Cosima grinned as she stood up, stretching out her back. As an arm wrapped around her waist, she sunk into the embrace. "Mmmm. You smell like apples

... Fake apples."

"Yeah well you smell like marijuana." Delphine pressed a quick kiss to Cosima's lips.

"It's all part of my charm." Cosima looked down as Delphine's hand slid into her own, their fingers intertwining as she was pulled towards the stairs. It was such a simple thing, but it made her swallow audibly. It had barely been a week. How had things changed so quickly?

Still behind the safety of the closed front door, Delphine pulled her forward for one last kiss. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah." Cosima nodded, watching Delphine open the door and slip out it. Blinking against the bright headlights reflecting off the downpour, Cosima exhaled slowly and clicked the lock shut, her hand pressed against the now-closed door. Her mind ran a thousand miles an hour, a never ending stream of consciousness reviewing the last few hours.

Breathing in deeply, a toothy grin spread across her face. She remembered reading once, that sense of smell was strongly tied to memory, more so than all the other senses and as she inhaled once more, she was overwhelmed by the scent of rain and apples.

"Hey… Lesbo."

Cosima turned back towards her sister who was coming down the stairs. "That's totally not PC, you know?" She rebuked, heading into the kitchen to root around the fridge.

"What's with blondie always being here?" Sarah leaned against the breakfast bar, fingers restlessly fiddling with leather cuffs fastened around her wrists, speckled with silver spikes.

Popping open a bottle of Sunny D, Cosima shrugged, gulping down the sweet, citrus drink. "Just lucky, I guess." She offered half to her twin, wiping her mouth with the back of her free hand as the bottle was accepted. "What's with the sudden interest?"

Sarah tossed the bottle in the trash after quickly drinking the rest, offering her sister a shrug. "Just askin." She followed as Cosima headed down to her basement room, taking a seat on the last step as her sister began cleaning. Or rather, watching as Cosima kicked a wet towel to the corner that held a small pile of dirty clothes. "I mean… wasn't she dating Paul just like a week ago and now she's in your room making out with you?" Sarah tilted her head to the side. "I mean… thanks to my genes, you're a pretty good looker, but…. he's Paul…"

Cosima laughed as she pulled her colorful dreads up into a bun, remembering Delphine's remark about Sarah being cute. "One would say thanks to my genes… but things change. He's not really that awesome of a dude… just cause you gave him a hand job two years ago…"

"Hey! Shut up!" Sarah snorted in indignation. "He's captain of the football team, Cos. He doesn't have to be a good guy. He's got popularity."

"Yeah well… popularity can't make up for the level of scum…" She wasn't going to mention what happened under the bleachers, she'd promised Delphine she wouldn't tell anyone. "Sometimes you stop and think and realize people aren't who they pretend to be." Picking up the towel that Delphine had been using, Cosima paused, reaching down to pick up a notebook. Opening the cover, she noticed Delphine's familiar script, small phrases of poetry scribbled neatly across the page. She couldn't help but smile at the silly words, wondering when the blonde had written it.

"What's that?"

"Delphine forgot her notebook." Flipping through the pages, Cosima realized some of the poems were about Paul and she grimaced. She was about to close the book when she got to a few blank pages, but as she flipped one more page, she got to a more frantic script. It looked like Delphine's but it was rushed, unlike the care that was taken with the pages before. She could make out the messy words, but fragments of sentences and ideas painted only part of a picture. Maybe they were wishes for the future? A future with Paul? A dream? A short story? She couldn't understand what the purpose was of the little snippets, but her eyes fell on one sentence.

Two words stood out, repeated several times on the pages between weird descriptions of situations Delphine described as if they had happened. Two words that sent a cold shiver through her, settling in her gut and manifesting as an overpowering queasiness.

_Save Cosima._


	13. Chapter 13

**_Just a short chapter. *evil chuckle*_ **

* * *

 

_Delphine felt a flutter in her chest as she walked. She looked down at a keyring she twirled around her fingertip as she moved down the slim hallway, so many emotions washing through her. Excitement? Happiness? Exuberance even? Everything was working out perfectly, she decided as she stepped to the side, someone nearly running into her with a loaded box._

_This was definitely going to be her year. Delphine hummed softly as she stopped at a door, rapping her knuckles against it. The door opened suddenly and she was greeted by a huge grin. "Bonjour."_

_"Hey, Sexy. Just what I wanted… I was about to study for my anatomy class… and you have fantastic anatomy..." Cosima grinned, hooking her finger in Delphine's jeans, pulling her forward and locking the door. "Whatcha got there?" Already her hands were working on the leather belt and the button that hid behind it._

_"Key." Delphine set it on the desk as she was pulled toward the bed. "For my dorm room… non… our dorm room now." Her roommate had dropped out the previous week and it had taken some finagling but they had finally made it happen._

_"Ooo living together." Cosima chuckled, her fingertips working Delphine's jeans down her hips. "I don't know if I'm ready for that stage of our relationship." Even as she said it, she was stripping off her own t-shirt._

_Following the brunette onto the bed, she covered the shorter frame, brushing soft kisses along her jaw. Straddling jeans covered hips, she let her hands slide down over bare ribs that shook slightly with laughter. Her fingertip ran over a small scar, almost undetectable. She wouldn't have even seen it if she hadn't been there for the biopsy. "Mmmm, yes you are," Delphine laughed as she leaned forward, pressing her lips against Cosima's._

_"Yeah I am." Cosima ran her fingers through blonde curls, pulling her down. With a loud giggle, she gripped Delphine's body and rolled their forms over._

_Delphine sighed heavily as she was rolled onto her back, Paul's larger form settling over her, kissing her sloppily, pinning her to the bed as his rough hands pulled drunkenly at her clothes. If she closed her eyes, she could remember the time when his touch was so much more to her. She could remember a time when he would actually see her, instead of closing his eyes and burying his face in the crook of her neck._

_She still loved him, of course, but was that enough? It didn't matter, she told herself as she waited for him to finish. She was lucky. After all, he was on the verge of stardom, just about to break through and no matter who he flirted with, she was the one he came home to. She was lucky, she repeated to herself as he rolled off of her, spent and unconcerned with her. It didn't take long for his snoring to start._

_The phone rang and she was quick to pick it up so it wouldn't wake him._

_"Bonjour, Delphine!"_

_"Maman." Delphine whispered, grabbing her robe as she left the room. The last thing she wanted was to wake Paul._

_"I'm sorry, did I wake you?"_

_"It's ok, Maman. I couldn't sleep anyway." It wasn't really a lie, she decided, making her way to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of scotch. "It's good to hear your voice."_

_"Well, if you would call more often…" Her mother started in, offering the proper guilt trip before going on about the flowers in her garden and the local buzz from the neighborhood. She listened with half an ear as she lit a cigarette, feeling the smoke filling her lungs as the cool menthol tingled in her throat. "Wait… what?" She coughed out when she heard a certain name._

_"Oh, that's right. You used to be friends with her... when you broke your arm…" Her mother sounded frustrated with herself. "You were only friends with her a few weeks, but I should have told you… It was last month. She had a respiratory infection…"_

_The words washed over her and Delphine felt her body beginning to shake. There was an odd sensation of guilt, as if she could have prevented it, as if she could have done something, but her mother was right. They'd only been friends for a week… maybe two… before she got back together with Paul. Why had they stopped being friends? "Maman, I have to go." She spoke softly, letting the cordless phone drop to the table._

_How could it be her fault? She didn't even remember why they stopped being friends. But they had been more than friends, hadn't they? Leaning against the counter, she took another sip of Scotch, feeling it burn it's way down her throat._

_"What the hell are you doing up?" Paul asked as he wrapped his arm around her waist from behind, pulling her back against him._

_"Not now, Paul." She complained as she felt his hand sliding into her robe, cupping her breast as his rekindled excitement pressed against her from behind. "I'm not in the mood."_

_"Come on, Babe." He stripped her robe off, letting it fall to the floor. "You're the one walking around the house in almost nothing. I have to be at work early and you know I can't sleep like this…"_

_"I'm still sore…" She argued but he was already pushing her back against the counter, his hand gripping her thigh to wrap around his hips._

_"I'll be quick." He whispered in her ear._

Delphine shot up suddenly, her eyes blinking against the darkness. Her heart was beating what felt like a million beats per minute and it felt like her chest was held in a vice. This wasn't like any other dream she'd had before. She remembered the last dream, when Paul's rough touch had turned to the softness of Cosima's embrace and, in comparison, this dream seemed wrong. It couldn't be right.

What the hell did it even mean?

With a curse, she slipped out of bed, heading to the kitchen.

She didn't expect to see her mother sitting at the kitchen island, smoking a cigarette.

"Maman!"

"Merde!" The woman quickly killed the cigarette, waving her hand through the air to disburse the smoke. "Delphine… why are you awake?"

Her eyes narrowing, Delphine grabbed a mug from the cabinet. "I thought you quit smoking."

"I did…"

The beeps of the microwave sounded ten times louder in the middle of the night as Delphine heated up some milk. "Uh huh."

"Yes well…" Her mother cleared her throat. "I had a long day. How is your arm?"

"Fine."

She tilted her head to the side as she watched her daughter moving around the kitchen, retrieving the container of honey. There was something about the way her daughter was walking, a change in her posture almost. She looked as if she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. Maybe it was something as simple as what she was sleeping in. Her daughter had always preferred light colors, but dressed in a black t-shirt, she seemed different. "Where did you get that t-shirt?"

Looking down, Delphine felt a slight blush come to her cheeks at the picture of a cartoon Harley Quinn. "It's Cosima's. She loaned it to me after we got caught in the rain."

Her mother seemed to ponder that. "So… it's not Paul's?"

"Non." Delphine answered with a grimace, the dream still fresh in her mind. "Paul and I broke up last week." Stirring in the honey as she took a seat, Delphine blew lightly on the warm milk. "I thought I told you."

"Well you've broken up with him at least 5 times that I can remember." Her mother defended.

"Well this time it's for good."

Her mother pursed her lips. "Is that why I received that call on Tuesday about your sudden attendance problem? When I said you could take the day off, you had not told me you missed classes from the 3 previous days..."

Her mug halfway to her lips, Delphine froze. She'd completely forgotten about that stupid automated system. "I'm sorry, Maman."

"Once, I would not care so much. You are a good girl, Delphine, but several times?" Her mother gave her a worried look. "I know break ups can be hard sometimes, especially when you are a teenager and it feels like the end of the world," her mother covered her casted hand with a gentle touch, "but you cannot risk your future for a boy."

Delphine nearly choked on her sip. Setting down the mug with a cough, Delphine nodded. "I know. I'm sorry."

Her mother nodded. "As long as I don't get anymore calls," she leaned forward in a conspiring whisper, "I won't tell your Papa as long as you do not tell him I was smoking."

Delphine grinned as she nodded. "Deal."

* * *

 

Why had she made that deal? Delphine sighed heavily as she sat at the empty table, away from most of the crowded cafeteria. She hadn't been able to find Cosima everywhere, and even Scott wasn't exactly sure.

It was taking everything in her to stay in school. She'd managed to make it through her calculus test thanks to Cosima's tutoring, and the rest of her classes were less than difficult. It would be the prime opportunity to ditch.

But she'd promised her maman.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when a form plopped down on the bench beside her. "Hey!"

"I come in peace." Paul held his hands up. The bruise on his eye had faded away to just a pale tinge of yellow.

"What are you doing here, Paul? Don't you have a table full of your douche friends?"

Paul rose his eyebrows before laughing. "I guess I deserved that." He shook his head. "Look… I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

Delphine's brows furrowed as she took him in. He looked sincere, away from the crowd of his friends.

"I was being an asshole, and I know it." He reached out, his hand covering her own.

_"Come on, Babe."_ Paul's voice from her dream flashed back to her and Delphine quickly pulled her hand away. "Thank you for saying that."

Paul seemed to ignore her reaction, moving just a little closer. "Come on, Delphine. Why are you being so cold? I miss you."

Delphine shook her head. "I'm sorry, Paul but it's not going to happen."

"Delphine... We're perfect together, you know that." He moved even closer, close enough for Delphine to feel the heat radiating off his body. "I know you…"

"Paul!" Alison smiled as she set her tray down on the table across from Delphine. "I think Donnie was looking for you." She gave him a sweet smile. "Something about not being able to play on Friday."

"What?" Paul backed up, looking over his shoulder. "He better not…" Standing up, he sighed. "Delphine… can we talk later?"

Delphine shook her head. "Non, Paul. Please just go."

"Hey Paul!" Krystal appeared, setting her tray down. "I think Olivier was looking for you. Something about an injury?"

"What the fuck?" He stalked away, shoulders set in anger.

"Are you alright?" Alison asked quickly.

"Yeah. When did Paul get so agro?" Krystal gave Delphine a sympathetic look.

Delphine smiled. There was guilt again, having ditched all her friends as soon as she and Cosima started hanging out. "I'm ok. Thank you both."

Alison rolled her eyes as she opened her milk. "That's what friends are for. If you'd let us."

"Totally." Krystal agreed. "Like, even though you have been cutting classes since last week and the first time you are having lunch here, you totally sit in the corner by yourself?"

"Désolée." Delphine gave her a guilty look. "I never meant to…"

"I totally forgive you." Krystal grinned brightly. "You're impossible to stay mad at… not saying I was mad at you."

Delphine smiled, but still it did not quell the uneasiness. Checking her wristwatch, she sighed. Three and a half hours left.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys. Thanks for being patient. There's one more chapter after this. Thank all of you. I've appreciated all the comments and kudos and you guys have been a life saver being nothing but kind about this story.

It was strange, Delphine thought as she sat on the bus, the other students looking at her strangely as though she didn't belong. In truth she didn't really, but it was the best way of getting to Cosima's. It wasn't a long ride, but it gave her time to think.

How long ago had she woken up after falling in practice, feeling completely changed? It felt like way more than a week. Looking down at her arm, she traced the silly drawing Cosima had scribbled across the red cast, a name that had been the only one on there until today. Her fingers moved to the _GO PANTHERS_ Krystal had taken care in writing, each bubble letter capped with a sparkle in the corner, and the carefully sequined _Get Well_ Alison had done during last period. She was glad to have at least a bit of normalcy added to the insane topsy turvy ride she'd been on.

Since falling, she'd seen so many things in a different light. Paul. Her friends. Cosima. She'd had so many dreams since then. Dreams of the future… or fantasies… whatever they were. She remembered the joy she felt in her dream, loving Cosima… being loved by Cosima. It called to her like a siren, luring her in with a sense of completion.

And Paul, how a future with him had felt so desolate, leaving her hollow and broken. The nightmare she'd had last night had been the worst, a future with Cosima twisting into a future with Paul. With Cosima dead… she felt the pinch of tears in her sinuses, not wanting to even think of such a thing.

What would the world be like without Cosima? A ghost of what seemed to be a memory came to her, looking into Scott's eyes, aged by time and filled with sadness and regret. Looking at her hands, she could feel the weight of a pamphlet in them. A photo of Cosima and Scott, feeling a nostalgic yet heartbreaking pull.

With a shake of her head, she shook away the imagery. She had to stop doing that. She had to stop lingering on fallacies and she had to focus on school, get back on the track she'd slipped off of with the whole Paul and Cosima fiasco. She needed to let her arm heal so she could maybe rejoin the squad in time for basketball season.

Delphine sighed softly as she stepped down from the bus, pulling the hood of her hoodie up over her head even as the rain began to soak into the material. It was definitely getting colder as fall began to edge towards winter. It didn't take long, her destination just a few blocks from the bus stop, and she found herself looking up at the two story house tucked in the row of houses, packed in tight.

Climbing the stairs, she was glad when she was under the roof of the front stoop as she knocked quickly. Cosima hadn't been anywhere at school and when she'd tried to call, there was no answer. There was a sliver of worry hidden behind her childish glee as she remembered the press of soft lips against her own, the brush of forbidden fingers that lingered on her waist where her shirt met her jeans.

She'd never felt so alive. Not in all the time of dating Paul. With Cosima, she could feel fire on fingertips, a searing desire she looked forward to exploring more of , the feel of soft fingertips lingering against the bare flesh of her hip where her shirt met her jeans.

The door opened suddenly, revealing a disheveled looking brunette.

"Cosima!" Delphine smiled, pushing the hood of her hoodie back. "Are you alright? You weren't in school. I…" She leaned forward for a hug only to have the brunette step back.

"Don't." Cosima spoke shortly, jerking away.

Freezing, Delphine pulled back in shock. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" Cosima repeated. "You lied to me."

Delphine blinked in confusion. "What?" she tried to think back on their conversations, tried to detect any possibilities of what the problem could be. Where had she lied?

Without saying a word, Cosima lifted the book that had gone unnoticed.

Her eyes settling in the book, Delphine felt a cold chill run down her spine, all the air being sucked from her lungs as she recognized the journal. She remembered the other morning, waking up and scribbling away in it, recording a dream that was almost completely forgotten. About a future with Paul. A nightmare of a world without Cosima present. The more she thought about it, the more fragments of memories came back to her.

"Now you have nothing to say?" Cosima scoffed. "Cause you seemed to have a lot to say in here."

She had bright it to school to show Scott for some reason. She was having difficulty pinning down the reason why but she definitely didn't show it to Cosima. "Where did you get that?"

"This?" Cosima held the book up. "You left it in my room yesterday. Tell me how you're supposed to…" Flipping open the book, she let her finger trace the page before looking up, "save Cosima."

_Save Cosima._ Delphine took a step back. "I… I can explain." It had been a dream, hadn't it? Just a dream. The sound of applause echoed through her ears, a memory of Paul looking up at her from across the room, both of them touched by decades of hostility. _Delphine Cormier-Dierden_ , words ghosted past her ear in memory and she shook her head.

"Oh I think it's pretty self-explanatory. This has Shay's name in it, Delphine. I just told you about her yesterday." There was anger in her eyes. Anger and despair. "There is no explanation for this except that you're fucking crazy."

"Cosima… non." Delphine stepped forward, frowning when Cosima stepped back again. "Please, Cosima. I can…"

"I want you to leave."

Delphine froze, filling with fear. "Cos…"

"Now." Cosima's nostrils flared and her eyes were narrowed behind the dark frames.

The memory of a dream turned bad came to Delphine, renewing her resolve. "I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me." Delphine stood in the doorway.

"Fine." Before Delphine could stop her, Cosima ducked around the tall form, escaping the confrontation in spite of the rain.

"Cosima!" Delphine quickly followed her, not even bothering to pull the hood back over her hair. "Where are you going?"

Cosima snorted. "Anywhere but here." She followed the brick path that cut across the small lawn and would eventually lead to the garage. "Anywhere you're not."

Delphine growled in frustration as she pulled Cosima to a halt. "Cosima, stop. Talk to me, please. Let me explain."

"What's the point? So you can feed me your bullshit?" She shook her head, the rain soaking through her dreads, dripping down her face and clouding her glasses. "I don't need this shit, Delphine." She tilted her head back, letting the rain swallow her. She could feel her anger washing away, leaving just the emptiness of betrayal. With a heavy sigh, she turned away, intent on heading back to the house. "I wanted to trust you." Her voice was almost a whisper. "I did trust you and you just…" She turned away. She didn't want Delphine to see her cry, didn't want her to know how much it hurt as she walked away.

Watching Cosima walk away, seeing the defeat in her shoulders, it was the worst thing she had ever felt in her life. "Cosima, please. I love you!" The words slipped from Delphine's mouth on instinct, not thought out like they should have been. They were premature yet could never have been said soon enough.

Cosima froze, her shoulders rigid.

Delphine felt like her heart was attempting to burst through her chest as she stepped closer. "Please, Cosima. Look at me." Resting her hand on Cosima's shoulder, she felt her flinch. There was a silence that descended on them, nothing but the sound of rain hitting pavement and the beat of her heart. Delphine could hear her own heartbeat over the drops, pounding against her eardrums, at her desperation.

"I don't even know who you are." Cosima's voice was hoarse and strained as she shook her head. Turning, her eyes were bright red, no doubt tears mingling with the rain streaking down her face. Her whole body trembled as she rose the journal. "This is insane!"

"I know!" Delphine stepped into her space. Instead of reaching for the book again, she capture Cosima's cheek in her hand, her thumb wiping away a tear. "I wish I could explain it to you, but I can't. I swear I never meant to hurt you… whatever I wrote in the book... I don't even remember the details…" When Cosima gave her a disbelieving look, she felt like she wanted to scream. "It's fucking insane and I don't even know who I am anymore." Delphine took a shuddering breath, realizing how true it was. Was she a teenager? Was she some shadow of a person in the future, bound to Paul? Or to Cosima? "I don't know anything anymore, but I know that I love you."

"Stop saying that!" Cosima pulled away. "You don't get to lie to me and then suddenly tell me you love me." Her voice cracked as she took a step back, lifting the book. "How do I know anything you're saying isn't just some stupid plot to try to _save my life_? What the hell does that even mean?"

"Fuck the book, Cosima." Delphine snatched the book away from her, the pages turning a muddled blue as ink mixed with rain that continued to fall on them. Looking down, she could feel the emotional exhaustion as she watched as letters turned into clouds of ink, her memories seeping and spreading thin. With a confused look, she let the book fall from her fingers, looking up to see Cosima looking down at it. _It was just a dream_. Her mind told her. How foolish had she been to worry about something like the future when faced with the present. "It's nothing, Cosima. Just a dream…," as she spoke, her words were filled with doubt… uncertainty, "just…" She shook her head, an emptiness growing inside her.

She needed to fix this. She couldn't stand the distance between them. "Cosima…" Delphine stepped closer to her, feeling a spark of hope growing in the emptiness when she didn't move away. "Mon amour." Delphine spoke the words as she reached up, wiping away another tear. The words felt strange on her tongue, having never said them to anyone before, not even to Paul. "Je t'aime à la folie." She could see the confusion and she couldn't stop the small smile from touching her lips. "I love you so much, you drive me crazy."

Cosima blinked away the rain. "What about all that shit about saving me?"

"Save you?" Delphine scoffed. "You saved me." She felt tears burning her own eyes. "You have become the cornerstone of my life, the turning point. You are the root of all that is good in my life." Even as she said it, she could feel the truth in the words.

Cosima's brows furrowed, but she didn't resist when Delphine pressed their lips together. She didn't care that they were outside, that anyone could see them. She didn't care about the mess of paper and ink that lay at their feet. All she cared about was the soft lips that responded to the kiss and the hands that settled on her lips, feeling Cosima push herself up to her toes to deepen the kiss.

Delphine felt the tears stinging her own eyes as she wrapped her good arm around Cosima's waist, breaking off the kiss with a gasp. She pressed her forehead against's Cosima's, her breath ragged with emotion. "I'm sorry, Cosima. Please forgive me."

Cosima swallowed before nodding. "I don't know what's going on with you, but…"

"What the shit!" A voice called from the house.

Cosima and Delphine both jumped, pulling apart quickly. It was Cosima who yelled back, "Sarah! Go fuck yourself!"

"Can you two not do that in the bloody front lawn like it's a god damn romcom?" Sarah called out, looking around to see if anyone on the street was paying attention. "Get your gay asses in here." She called out a little more discreetly.

Cosima couldn't help but laugh as she slipped her hand into Delphine's, intertwining their fingers as she pulled her towards the house.

Delphine couldn't stop herself from casting one last look at the notebook that was face down in a small puddle.


	15. Chapter 15

**_Thank you to everyone for taking this trip with me. I've appreciated all the comments and encouraging messages. Sorry this story has to come to an end. It's been one of my more enjoyable pieces to write._ **

* * *

 

The sound of Moby washed over them and Delphine shifted a little closer. Her nose brushing along the length of Cosima's, she enjoyed her seat on crossed legs, tapping a still-chilled jaw. She was rewarded with a brief smile before Cosima exhaled a cloud of smoke slowly. Breathing in the warm hit, Delphine held the smoke in before she met soft lips in a kiss. It wasn't until her lungs began to scream for oxygen that she pulled away, tilting her head up to exhale quickly, but not without a cough.

She knew there were things they needed to talk about, things Cosima would probably want to talk about, but fighting over some dream she had a few nights ago was the last thing on her mind. Instead, she focused on the warm hand that slid up the outside of her thigh, fingertips tracing the seam of her jeans that were still damp from the rain.

Cosima smiled, her tongue peeking out from between her teeth. "Tell me again."

Delphine traced Cosima's collar with a fingertip. "I love you, Cosima." The words slipped easily from her lips, each time getting easier than the previous. Cosima had yet to reply in kind, but she was okay with that… for now. Instead, she just focused on the slight disconnect in her mind and the feel of Cosima's heartbeat beneath her fingertips.

"That's so insane." Even as she said it, Cosima pressed her lips to Delphine's again, tangling her fingers in damp curls.

Delphine felt a chill run through her, bringing with it a shiver that Cosima must have noticed.

"We should get you out of these wet clothes."

"I always seem to be wet when I'm in your bedroom." Delphine joked as she leaned away from Cosima. There was a mischievous look that came over her face as she reached down with practiced ease and pulled her shirt off in one swift move, easing the material over her cast.

To Cosima's defense, the look of confused hesitance was nowhere to be seen, instead taken up by a hazy confidence as she sat up a little straighter, pulling her own damp shirt up and off.

A smile spread across Delphine's face as she captured Cosima's cheek in her hand. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes." There was no hesitance, just a small smirk.

Delphine pulled her forward for a deep kiss. As hands pressed against her bare sides, she lost all care. It didn't matter about the fight they'd had or how they'd only first kissed days ago. It didn't even matter that a majority of the students at school now hated her. All that mattered was that Cosima was her's, and she was Cosima's.

As they rose and stumbled together to Cosima's low bed, Delphine felt nothing but a strange comfort washing over her, as if this had been the path she was meant to take all along. She'd spent so long thinking she and Paul were the perfect couple, but she had been blinded by his popularity. She'd been driven by the need for normalcy, to fit in and be the prom queen and king, but she felt more from a simple kiss from Cosima than she had in all the times she'd felt Paul's touch.

Delphine felt her own hand trembling as it slipped over bare skin, clothes stripped away as their defensive walls crumbled. They were both full of clumsiness and uncertainty, each on their own path of discovery, but neither allowed hesitance to come between them. She had no idea what to do with her casted arm and she couldn't help laughing as Cosima's glasses clattered on the folding chair she was using as a nightstand.

"Stupid… foggy…" Cosima shook her head, finding Delphine's lips once more.

"Are you sure you can see…" Delphine's words trailed off as Cosima proved just how little she needed perfect eyesight. Yes, she was nothing like Paul who was rough and demanding, claiming her as his own every chance he could find. Cosima was careful and gentle, flourishing kisses along her throat and chest in reverence instead of dominance.

She could feel each stroke of fingertips, each brush of lips as though they were the tick of a clock, like the beat of her heart, their bodies keeping rhythm together despite the stumbles of their first time together. It was an eternity of exchanging kisses, of pressing into heated depths and nails raking soft skin, yet still Delphine was surprised at how quickly she found her entire body trembling, but even more surprised at Cosima's trembling lips that pressed against her own. She wasn't ready for it to be over, but still she wasn't sure she could take any more.

As she was pushed over the edge, she swore she was taken to another time, a hallucination of an older Cosima pressing her against a shower wall, lips coursing down the throat. The vision melted away as her mind cleared and she was gasping for air, Cosima's own gasps coming from beside her on the bed. She wanted to laugh, to scream, and to cry in relief, but instead she rolled onto her stomach, resting her arm around Cosima's waist, enjoying their shared warmth.

* * *

 

"Cosima…" Delphine whispered, brushing the tip of her nose along the length of Cosima's, a smile playing at her lips. The room was dark, Delphine having already asked her parents if she could stay over a while ago. They'd smoked a little more, had pizza and donned sleeping shirts before tangling together in bed. She was having an impossible time sleeping while Cosima seemed to have no trouble at all.

Cosima hummed softly, snuggling a little closer. One hand fisted around the front of Delphine's shirt as the other was pressed against the bare skin of her hip.

"Cosima…"

"Go to sleep." Cosima responded.

"No." Delphine smiled, brushing her lips along the brunette's jaw. "You should wake up."

Cosima chuckled, her eyes blinking open. A smile spread across her lips as she ran a hand through blonde locks. "Mmm. Why am I waking up?"

"Because I'm awake… and I'm bored and I think I smoked too much." She was feeling like the world was spinning just slightly, so she concentrated on Cosima. She brushed her lips against Cosima's, feeling the lazy reciprocation. "Are you still high?"

"Noooooo."

Delphine rose an eyebrow. "No?" She grinned. "I think maybe just a little." She didn't want to say that she was afraid to go to sleep. She was afraid of waking up to nothing being real. As the brunette's eyes began to droop closed again, Delphine chuckled, pressing a kiss to her temple. "Cosima?"

"Hmmm?" Cosima blinked open her eyes again.

"Je t'aime."

Cosima's brows furrowed in confusion.

Delphine rolled her eyes. "I love you."

A smile spread across Cosima's face as she tightened her hold on the blonde, pulling her closer. "I love you too… Captain."

There was a flutter in Delphine's chest at the words, as if a veil of contentment had washed over her. "You know I'm not the captain anymore, right?" She gave her a wry grin.

"Yes." Cosima brushed her lips against Delphine's once more. "Go to sleep."

Delphine nodded. She was suddenly exhausted, and maybe just a bit too high, she decided as it felt like her world was spinning. But something was wrong. She could feel everything spinning faster, making her sick to her stomach. Pinching her eyes tighter, she felt like she was going to vomit everywhere when suddenly the world stopped spinning.

* * *

 

Delphine blinked her eyes open, the harsh light shining in her eyes for the briefest of moments. Her body ached as she moved slightly, feeling nauseous and a pulling in her arm.

"Hey… you're awake." Paul sat up from where he'd been slouched in the chair typing into his phone. He had a slightly disheveled look, his jacket draped over the seat he was sitting in.

Delphine felt her heart drop. Her mind was filled with visions of two lives, two sets of years lived, or what she'd hoped had been lived. Of course it had all been a dream, but the memory of Cosima did not fade away as a dream normally did. It clung to her like an experience. Even as Paul stood, straightening his button down shirt, she recalled the feeling of soft hands on her body and smooth skin pressing against her own. _I love you too, Captain_ , whisped past her ear, a memory of a dream.

"You're not gonna pass out again are you?" Paul joked. "You've been out for hours."

Hours… Delphine felt her brows furrow as she looked down at her body, covered in a hospital gown and a thin blanket. She wasn't 17. She'd been so sure that she was. She shivered. Suddenly everything felt so cold. How could she have believed anything would change? She'd wanted so badly for her dream to be real. For Cosima to be alive.

As her foggy mind sorted through fragments of memories, that hurt more than any physical pain. Cosima was dead. There would never be a chance to explore any possibility even if it came 20 years too late, and Delphine felt her body begin to shiver.

The world was cold without Cosima. "What are you doing here, Paul?" Cosima may have been a dream, but that meant her history with her husband wasn't. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was that she wasn't going to be putting up with his bullshit anymore. They were done. Over.

"Hey… I know we have a… less than ideal past but… I thought we got past that. Give a guy a break. I still care about you."

The nonchalance of his attitude sent a wave of anger through her and she was about to respond when she was cut off.

"You're awake!"

The voice came from the door to the hospital room, just an octave deeper and slightly scratchier than she remembered and flooded with relief. The moment her eyes fell on brunette dreads and dark glasses, Delphine felt the tears welling in her eyes. "Cosima." It took less than a second for the woman to be at her side, tender hands caressing the pale skin of her cheeks.

"Don't you ever do that again." Cosima complained before pressing her lips to Delphine's.

Confusion evaporated, replaced by pure relief. Delphine couldn't believe it. The once-teen was now in her arms, the same age as she was. In that moment, with the softest of lips pressed against her own, a wave of memories washed over her, settling in place where foggy fragments had once existed.

She was 20 and when her old memories told her she was supposed to be at a party for the opening of some movie Paul had been in, watching as he flirted with a co-star, she was flooded with the new memories of being worried and pacing in a hospital room as Cosima went through tests.

_"It a good thing you got her in here. This kind of illness, the earlier we can catch it, the better." The doctor explained, films on a wall backed by light revealing a clouded lung._

29 and she was wrapped around Cosima in bed, the day they had both received their doctorates, yet not as important as the moment she was holding the ring in front of the woman's sleepy eyes.

_"Make me yours forever, mon amour." She whispered, gently nipping the woman's ear. "I know it's not legal, but that doesn't make it any less real for me."_

As lips pulled away from her own, she knew she was crying. There was no way she could avoid it. Already her old life was fading away, what clouded memories she had of a life that could have been, replaced moment by moment by the life she was meant to live.

Looking into worried hazel eyes, she was 33 and a vague memory of Paul rippled out of existence, replaced with the picture of she and Cosima standing at the top of the Eiffel tower together, a second honeymoon once marriage had been legalized. Cosima had been glowing all night and she had attributed it to their recent nuptials until...

_"So… I got you something." Cosima had grinned ear to ear as Delphine unwrapped the white box, basically bouncing in place as her wife lifted the top to reveal a white stick, a pink plus sign blaringly obvious. "I guess it finally took…" She didn't get the rest out before lips were crushed against her own, arms wrapping around her waist. It felt like they'd been trying for so long, so many shots, so much money poured into the hopes that one day it would take and finally..._

Delphine buried her face in the crook of Cosima's neck, her breath shuddering as it felt like she was living a lifetime worth of memories at once. At the age of 36, instead of walking in on Paul and his make-up artist, she was bouncing a toddler on her hip as she watched Cosima and Scott being photographed for the cover of Time magazine.

_She'd been so mad at Cosima that morning, a small fight that wasn't even worth mentioning, but it didn't stop the pride she felt or the way her anger seemed to dissipate when hazel eyes turned almost gold in the studio lights turned her way, offering her a playful wink._

_"Are you as proud as I am, Zoie? Your mommy is famous. She and your godfather are going to save the world." She mumbled, pressing her lips against the girl's temple._

And finally she was 38 and instead of dreading getting ready for the reunion, they were slipping out of athletic wear, the cool water of the shower running over their overheated bodies.

_"Are you sure you're feeling alright, Captain? You were looking a little pale in that last stretch. Maybe we should stay home if you..."_

_"Non… I'm fine… I want everyone to see how happy you've made me." She mumbled against soft lips, soapy hands sliding around her waist._

_"Oh you want them to see, huh?" Devious eyes blinked up through long lashes._

_Delphine chuckled as she allowed the brunette to press her back against the cold tiles of the shower. "Well… they don't need to know exactly how you made me happy…" She released a shuddering breath as she tipped her head back, lips traveling down her throat._

"Next time I say we should stay home, we should stay home." Cosima laughed, leaning back and wiping away the blonde's tears. Another quick kiss and she was looking over at the man standing there, trying not to watch. "Thanks for your help, Paul. Of course Miss Defiance here decides to wake up the 5 minutes I step away… I'm glad she didn't have to wake up alone."

His hands in his pockets, Paul gave them a small smile. "All in a day's work… though I think she was pissed it was me here." He laughed. "I've got an early start on set tomorrow so… it was good seeing you two again." Grabbing his coat and slipping it on, he paused on his way out the door, looking back at the blonde. "Delphine… family life looks good on you. I'm glad you're happy."

Looking down as fingers intertwined with her own, light catching off the rings on her finger, she couldn't help smiling. "Thank you, Paul."

When they were finally alone, Cosima wasted no time slipping into the bed beside her. "I talked to the nanny and she said don't worry. She's got tonight handled." Reaching up, she ran her fingers through disordered blonde curls, smiling weakly. "You scared me tonight, Captain."

Absorbing the warmth, Delphine reached up to caress the brunette's cheek, her thumb grazing over the wrinkles around the corner of the woman's mouth. She didn't need to look in the mirror to know her own were there as well, the wrinkles in her brow traded for those around her mouth… frown lines traded for laugh lines… a trade she accepted happily. "I'm sorry. You were right."

Cosima laughed at that. "Oooo. The great Dr. Cormier telling me I'm right…" She leaned forward to nuzzle the blonde's nose. "You should remember this moment."

Delphine chuckled, pressing her forehead against Cosima's. "I'll never forget. You're the one constant perfection of my life"

Her eyes lighting up, Cosima kissed the tip of Delphine's nose. "Ditto… obvs."

Delphine looked down as fingers intertwined with her own. It felt so strange. She hadn't had a cast in 20 years but still she could feel the weight of it. "So… I'm not dying right?"

Cosima chuckled, pulling the thin blanket over their bodies. "Not anytime soon, but maybe next marathon, more electrolytes and probably a nap instead of shower sex."

Delphine smiled, feeling the weight of the arm that settled over her stomach. "A fainting spell in exchange for the touch of a beautiful woman? I'll make that deal any day." Already, she feel her memories of a previous life fade away. Nature had a way of seeing fit that she didn't remember a thing. There was only room for one timeline, one past and one present. Soft lips pressed against her jaw and she couldn't help laughing. "You only want me because I'm naked under this."

"Who do you think helped get you that way?" Cosima smirked.

Delphine could remember being on the dance floor with the brunette's arms around her, the feel of the world spinning out of control and the sound of Cosima's voice calling her name. "Thank you, Cosima."

Hazel eyes blinked at her in confusion. "For what?"

Reaching up, Delphine cupped a soft cheek, her thumb tracing the woman's cheek. "For saving my life."

"It was just dehydration." Cosima gave her a wry smile.

"Not today." Delphine shook her head. "On that day, under the bleachers. 20 years ago."

"Oh honey." Cosima smiled, pressing her forehead to the blonde's. "You were just a poor straight… genie in a bottle, Baby…"

"Cosima…"

Cosima laughed, wiggling against the tall frame.

* * *

 

**_6 months later_ **

"Are you sure she's ok?"

Delphine laughed as she pushed aside another box. "Scott… calm down. All newborns do are sleep, eat, and crap. She's safer downstairs with Cosima and Zoie." The air of the attic was full of old dust and cobwebs, roused mostly by their actions. Delphine sighed as she marked one more box before pushing it closer to the stairs.

"I can't believe Cosima's parents are selling this house." He paused. "I can't believe Cosima didn't convince you to buy this house." He added with a chuckle, opening up another box full of books. "Man, Cosima is such a hoarder. These science books aren't even relevant anymore." He pulled out a hardcover National Geographic book with a monkey on the cover labeled _Evolution_.

"But she is such an adorable hoarder." Delphine commented, taping another box. "And Cosima loves living in the city way too much to move back to the suburbs."

"Holy shit."

Delphine rose an eyebrow, looking over.

Scott sat back as he flipped through a book in his hands, pages warped and barely legible. "I remember this book." He thought back on that week in high school when Delphine had started talking to him for the first time.

"What book?" Delphine leaned over towards him.

"You don't remember? Dude you went on and on about how you were from the future and you had to…" He let his words trail off, his brow furrowed. "Save Cosima…You were totally convinced she was going to get sick and die… which is really weird cause she actually did get sick."

"Don't remind me." Delphine scrunched her nose as she grabbed the book from him. "I remember her being sick a little too well considering I pretty much had to drag her to the doctor," she commented as she flipped through the pages. "Mildew books that are a breeding ground for mold? Not so much." She tossed the book in the nearby trash bag without a second thought.

"Hey guys!" Cosima called as she came up the steps wearing a pair of overalls that were dusty from packing. "I'm completely starving and I feel like it's been hours since we started all this manual labor."

Delphine chuckled as she pushed herself up, dusting off her jeans. "We've only been here for 45 minutes."

"Yeah well, we didn't eat anything before getting here." Cosima countered. "Hey Scott, what do you say? You like Thai?"

Scott eyed the book once more before shaking his head to clear it. "Yeah. Definitely. Sarah hates it so it will be nice to get it with someone who actually enjoys it." Standing up, he dusted his own jeans off. "Let me go wash my hands."

Watching him go down the stairs, Cosima smiled. "So… you guys having fun going through my old junk?"

"Scott thinks you are a hoarder." Delphine chuckled, wrapping an arm around Cosima's waist, pulling her closer.

"Not a hoarder. I just…" Cosima looked over at the boxes, having agreed to stay out of the way while Delphine went through what could be donated and what could be thrown away. After all, she didn't even remember what was in the boxes so obviously it wasn't anything too important. "I guess I wanted to keep every memory of high school I could find." She grinned, wrapping her arm around Delphine's neck, pulling her down for a kiss. "After all, senior year was one of the best years of my life."

"Yeah?" Delphine responded with another quick kiss, rubbing her tip of her nose against Cosima's. "What was different about senior year?"

Cosima rolled her eyes. "Gee, I don't know. I mean… Scott and I did win that science fair…"

"Yeah?" Delphine laughed. "Anything else?"

"Well, I did rescue you from the mundane future of straightness…" Cosima chuckled.

"Oh is that what you call it?"

Cosima nodded. "Damsel in distress type shit, Captain." She grinned pulling Delphine down for another kiss, this time pressing closer.

Delphine groaned. "You are such a brat."

"You wouldn't want me any other way."

Cupping her wife's cheeks in her hands, Delphin smiled, tracing soft lips with her thumb. "You're right. I wouldn't." Another soft kiss and she pressed her forehead to Cosima's in quiet contentment.

"Momma!"

Both women jumped slightly, looking at the bottom of the stairs. Their daughter stood at the bottom of the stairs with a grin on her face, or what they guessed was her face considering she was covered from head to toe in a white powder. A tiny fist was also covered and being shoved into her tiny mouth. "Mmmm. Good!"

"Oh Honey..." Cosima quickly moved down the stairs. "You are supposed to be watching your cartoon." Lifting the toddler up, she breathed a sigh of relief when she realized it was just powdered sugar.

Delphine chuckled softly, watching her drag their offspring towards the bathroom. Standing in the attic, she had a few memories in the space, where she and Cosima would sneak off to, knowing no one would look for them there. Moing back to the trash, she picked up the warped note book, flipping through the pages. There was something familiar, something lingering in the back of her mind, but she couldn't pin down what it was.

"Babe!"

Delphine looked over her shoulder towards the stairs.

"Delphine, can you help me please?"

Dropping the book without a thought, she straightened her back with a soft curse before jogging down the stairs, not bothering to give one more look back at what could have been.


End file.
